[M&M]

I recently had to cut a certain group of people out of my "inner circle". It was a group of friends that I've shared a lot with, and used to really enjoy being around. As of late, however, a few members of that group made very desparaging (sp?) remarks about my health problems. Some saying "Boy, I wish I could stay home in bed and have a boring day" and "I think I'm going to go on disability too, I'm tired of working...Hey, I'm just kidding, I think I'd kill myself if I couldn't be productive". (Gee, thanks

) My point: Just like the wife of the man who made rude comments to Weener said she'd make sure he wasn't there (Great friend, BTW) I've cut this group of people out of my life almost completely. And when I do have to see them, I speak very little. Just let them ramble on. I think cutting these types of people out is good for us. We don't need that negative energy attacking us. So kudos to Weener and her friend, and to the rest of us who have cut out some bad apples from our lives! Anybody else had to "let someone go" so to speak?

 

[SLBEL3]

I had to let my sister go. I was so sick of her rude remarks and put downs. She is the type of person who is happiest when she makes everyone else around her miserable.She wanted the kids to get together this year to give eachother their gifts since I refuse to see my sister on holidays anymore. so I relented because she was right, just because her and I don't talk or get along why should the kids miss seeing their cousins open eachothers gifts. So I told her that and I asked her if she wanted to come to my new house (she's never seen it) and I would make a brunch. That way she could see my house and also I explained that having her here would also be better because I have been unable to leave my house most days and this way there was no chance of me having to cancel the day of the get together. I waited a week for an answer and I got completely put down. She said, and I quote "I should have known you would pull something like this, everything has to revolve around you now because you think you are sick, I don't see why you can't just come to my house and if need be you can lay on the couch while the kids open gifts, I think you are just being completely selfish and now I have to tell my kids that you won't bring your kids to see them for gifts, and also my husband made the comment that if it weren't for the holidays we would have never been invited up there in the first place, so no, we will not come to your house."Nice huh??????? SO I wrote back to her saying that she was the one that wanted the kids together and I agreed, and that it's not a matter of me laying on her couch it's the fact that she's over an hour away from me and I can't tolerate the ride.Of course I showed my mom the email sis sent to me and I also showed her the one that I wrote back and guess what reaction I got?? Mom said to me "well, she could have left out what her husband said, but you know her and how she is. Why can't you just put things aside for the holidays and get along with her for the kids."I couldn't believe it! I am so fed up with everyone it's not even funny.So, I've dropped my sister for good and I told her that I will never ever be willing to spend any holidays with her.Mom and dad are getting close to being dropped too because everytime I tell them the #### my sister keeps pulling they just say oh well just drop it. Of course nothing is ever said to her to stop. All my life growing up and even last year if she puts me down or criticizes me in anyway shape or form in front of my parents nothing is said, but the second I speak up for my own defense I get from mom or dad "allright, just drop it and don't start fighting now". Why can't they say any of that to her?????? Sorry, got off on a tangent, My sister is a very sore subject for me. I could go on and on about the different things she's done to me. Don't get me started.

 

[M&M]

Hey, that's what this thread is for. Get that baggage out there.

 

[kestral]

i've had to cut lose some "friends" who were abusive to their children! I knew them before they had kids and they were OK, but as the kids grew up it was clear that they were horrible and selfish parents.It was heartbreaking to see the way they treated their kids.When a mutual friend tried to talk to them about the situation, she was told to mind her own business. They have been refered to CPS and therapy, but of course are oblivious.I know this isn't exactly what you meant, but it was the first example that came to mindvery sad.There are other people who I have learned to simply not trust. For example yesterday a fellow at one of my volunteer groups mentioned he hadn't seen me for awhile.I told him I had been sick.He said "you don't look sick - what do you have?"I started explaining, but I could tell by the judgmental look on his face that he didn't really care, he was just mad that I hadn't been around to do volunteer work.I will never try to explain anything to him again. There is no point. If he asks in the future, I'll simply say "I wasn't available" and let it drop. Its none of his business anyway!

 

[weener]

I have cut some so called friends out of my life. The ones who make subtle comments along the same line as your ex-friends Mrs M. I think that is what hurts most. You don't expect it from a friend, maybe a stranger. I've even distant myself from relatives because I know what they are like. Don't need their ####. My cousin berated me in front of my aunt, other cousins & their spouses at my grandmother's funeral. I couldn't believe it so I had to correct him on a few things and then I cut the conversation short and walked away. He will be one of the ones I will put my guard up and keep my distance. Sandi & MrsM with family/friends like this who needs enemies.

 

[Feisty]

Me, too. People I thought were friends turned out not to be. It hurts deep, but I don't need them in my life if they are going to be so judgemental and self-righteous. Their turn is coming! Remember---"What goes around comes around". It's amazing how some people can accuse their friend of something, and they are actually describing themselves!I try to do the best I can and to hell with the rest. (On some days, anyway.)

 

[LoriAnn]

Hi everyone,I have only been posting again in the past couple of days, I don't know that its because I am doing any better, but I realized I was cutting myself off from everyone, and when you get that down you either have to force yourself out of it, or give up. I was personally voting for giving up but my loving husband won't permit it, neither will my stubborn mother, so here I am, among friends again.

This post had me doing a lot of thinking, along with weeners.To be honest, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, I don't look well, I am stooped, weak, pale, very thin, I usually limp or have trouble holding my head up, even getting through doors is a challenge, I am 37. My neighbours always ask about me, I think they are running a pool to see how long I will last. Last time someone came to the door to borrow an onion he said, "God! You look like death. You aren't dying are you?" I said "hell no, I did that last week" So when I tell people what I have I almost never have to deal with the situations you have. I know the few friends I "had" became frustrated that I never did the friend things like shopping & coffee, but I couldn't help that and I am tired of worrying what others think.A couple of weeks ago I thought I was in that situation, a friend of my daughters started to question me, I was just getting my guard up when he sheepishly put his head down and said, "me too". He really surprised me as I rarely meet men with FM. I use to have a quick wit in my better days and a saucy tongue to match. If someone asked me if I had seen a shrink for FM I would say, "Gee I wonder why my doctor didn't think of that? Hey! Maybe its because he knows I have a MEDICAL condition and it wouldn't help at all! Maybe you should talk to him about my problems and share your wealth of knowledge and solve all my problems!!! I'd really appreciate that, here is his number......I have to be honest, I do miss being productive and active and getting something out of life, I hated giving up my job and the money that came with it and I feel bad enough about it all without some as* trying to make me feel worse. And if my husband can accept it all without complaint (and work 2 jobs)when he is the one hurt the most by it, I'll be damned if I will let someone else judge me for it.And then there is Karma, it always gets jerks like that- someday those jerks will be faced with something similar- I've seen it over and over. I have faith that justice is always done, and someday we will be vindicated.Sorry to ramble, I just seem to have so much to say after being silent for so long.Lori

 

[M&M]

(((hugs))) all around! Yes, it is hard enough to have to give up so much and suffer the various indignities we suffer...Giving up jobs, giving up passions, the list goes on and on...Not being able to clean your own house, cook your own dinner, bathe yourself...you know that feeling. So that's why I figured this thread might strike a chord. Isn't it nice knowing you're not the only one who's fighting the battle? (((more warm fuzzy hugs))) Sweet bunch of people you all are

 

[SLBEL3]

WEll, sister just confirmed my decision to drop her. We haven't talked since March and now because the holidays are right around the corner we had to discuss a couple things where the kids are concerned. But because I told her i wasn't going to her house for anything she sent me 2 emails putting me down, criticizing me, telling me i'm a worthless selfish person, etc etc. SO I completely blew up at her.Of course then I tried to tell my parents what she did and i sent a copy of her email to them so they could see what she wrote to me. And apparently she sent a copy of my response to her telling her that I was sick of how she treats me and that she will not see me at all this holiday season because if I do I'll probably slap her smug look right off her face. And now my parents are mad at me!!!!! and nothing is being said to her. I just told her that from here on she was dead to me, I have no sister. I am so tired of it, she has to ruin the holidays for me every year and I've finally had enough and told her so. and now I'm the one in hot water. I wish I could just crawl in a hole and not come out until after the new year. My dad is screaming at me through instant messages right now that I'm not helping things by talking back to her. My god, I've had it!I better go before i get really stressed out and type stuff that's not allowed.Thanks for letting me vent.Sandi

 

[M&M]

Eef!

Well that's enough stress to last you a while. I am very blessed in that most of my family members (and sweet Mr. M) are for the most part very understanding (as understanding as they can be). I'm sorry you're going through all that!

((hugs))

 

[weener]

Sandi, I'm sorry to hear that your sister is ignorant towards your illness. It is so hard for others to understand what we go through on a daily basis. I've always said that I don't want a pity party, but geez please don't question the validity of my illness. Damn ignorant people

 

[kestral]

well said weenerSandee - your sister really has a problem and so do your parents in taking her sidehope things get betterLori Ann - I REALLY like your come backs - brilliant

 

[squrts]

since i started drinking so young nearly all my "friends" were drinking buddies.they all promptly disappeared when i quit drinking.so,aside from my immedit family(who all seem to understand),i have only one friend,and he moved away so i never see him.maybe its time i made some new ones.it just that i fear i wont have the energy for another relationship.oh well,i have a big family.

 

[celticlady]

Hugs and love to all!

This thread really helped me,to read it this morning was what my soul needed.I have several family members,including my Dad,who think it is all "in my head".This really hurts!!!!I have tried to eductate them,but they do not wish to read the literature,etc.I have also lost several friends/so-called friends who turned out to be wolves in sheep's clothing. The one who proclaimed himself the most religious turned out to be the most evil.And I dont use the term "evil" lightly.I am too naive and trusting.And foolish.I have made many mistakes,buut each day I try to better myself.Some people are so unforgiving,it is amazing. Thankfully I have a few GOOD friends and some family who do "'get it"re Fibro,myofaschial pain,IBS,severe depression,etc.Mrs Mason is right,who needs negative energy in their life???Sandi-I am so sorry re your sister. I applaud your decision to stop making contact with her.After 15 years,I have had to do the same with 1 sister-in-law. It is indeed heart-wrenching,but YOU have to look out for YOU.You can always just mail the packages to the kids,cant you? It is not good for our illnesses to be so upset on top of everything.I am so sorry you all have had to go thru all this,indignities on top of the pain.KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON,as they used to say.

I will keep you all in my prayers. I will also hope and pray for a CURE to this awful,invisible disease they call fibro.Peace to all

Celtic(P.S.-sorry to all I am behind on sending Pm's,cant type much due to yet-undiagnosed joint sweling and pain)

 

[M&M]

Good to see you Celtic! It's been a while. ((Hugs)) to you, hang in there dearheart!

I'm so glad the thread was helpful for you. It has been very helpful to me too.

and ((hugs)) to all!

 

[SLBEL3]

Hi all. Thank youfor the kind words. I really need them right now. I have a wonderful neighbor at my new house, she and her husband are very religious and go to what they term to be a healing church. I went to their house Friday night for a Pamperred Chef party. I had a really great time. My neighbor also has IBS-d and understands somewhat what I go thru. Before I left all the ladies there asked if they could pray over me to help me. So I figured why not. For 15 minutes they spoke in different tongues praying for me. I thought it was nice. However it was short lived where my family is concerned. Since my last post about my sister she has gotten worse. but like my nana said to me when I told her what was going on she said to me "honey, don't let her get to you, she is the type of person who has to make everyone miserable to hide her sorry life, don't let her know it upsets you so much because then she wins, don't let her win, you are better than that. Her attitude towards you is not worth your precious energy so ignore her and get on with your life with your loving husband and wonderful children, her attitude and actions have no place in your mind."I thought that was great.So that's what I did. But then my dad had to put in his little dig the other day. I am trying to find an item to buy for my hubby for xmas and all the stores are sold out so I put in an order for it. So my dad said to call other stores not in my area. He thought maybe the Sears store in Boston Mass might have it. But of course when I told him that even if they did there would be no way I could go get it. Boston is a two and a half hour drive from me. so he said "right, cause I hear there is only one bathroom between you and there."We were online doing instant messages and once he typed that it I signed off and haven't talked to him sense. I am so tired of it!Thanks again for letting me vent. This always happens around the holidays.

 

[moldie]

I just put my response on weeners post. I thought you had some very good advice on it, by the way, mrsmason.I am sorry that a lot of you have been going through some bad times with some of your friends and relatives. I feel very fortunate that nobody has ever actually gotten nasty about it with me. I have gotten some questions and some looks though.Sandi, I don't get why your sister doesn't think she is being selfish. It sounds like you have already been to her house, and you'd think she would welcome a visit to your new home.Maybe you'll have to explain to your family that it is not just a matter of finding a bathroom, but it is also that you have urgency and may find yourself in a mess that would be embarrassing. You also can tell them it is like when they are sick and have diarrhea. Do they feel like traveling then? Tell them that having chronic bowel problems takes a lot out of you literally. When you have the flu with pain and fatigue, that is what it is like. Maybe they will get it then. Perhaps your sister doesn't want to get it because she has always been jealous of you, and gets back at you by trying to be controlling. Ask her what the "real" problem is? Hopefully she will spill her guts. Her anger over something you think is trivial from the past might be hard to take at first, but try to hold back and listen until she gets it all out. Just tell her your sorry that she felt this way. Then maybe there will be a way to patch things up and you can come to a better understanding. Well, that would be the best scenario. It may not turn out all that rosey, but it's worth one last time. If it doesn't work, you can say you tried and move on like you said until she is ready to make the next move. She may just have to stew on it awhile.Lori, it is good to have you back and vent. I'm sorry you have not been feeling so "saucy" anymore. Those were some good comebacks!(((hugs)))) to all of you

 

[M&M]

Sandi, I like your Nana!!

I'm glad you have someone that will get behind you

 

[kestral]

Sandi - good for you, shutting off your dad like that, what an ignorant and mean remark.Maybe if he gets shut off a few times when he makes a dig he'll figure out that its no longer acceptable. Lets hope.My dysfunctional parents made a mean remark to my sister in law (who is ready to deliver my first nephew (YAY!) in January) something about infants being such a big problem for the family.This is their one and only grandchild! I can't imagine what they were thinking to say such a stupid thing.My poor sis in law called me in utter tears. I don't know why these insensitive fools have to always make people feel bad. I told her the best way to deal with them is to just avoid them, they've been like that my whole life and I don't see them getting any better soon!When family members repeatedly cause pain, maybe we are better off without them. We can make true friends our new families.

 

[Clair]

Sometimes it beggars belief that the people who are supposed to be unconditional in their love to us are so down-right nasty!

Sandi - I am truly sorry that with everything else you have to deal with in life, you have had to put up with this #### from your family.

However, it doesn't follow that just because someone is a blood relation means we should put up with their diabolical treatment...genetic ties does not mean people have a free reign to trample over us like doormats. We would not tolearate this beahviour from a so-called friend so why does it follow that we must from family?You have a right to live a happy and stress free life, and if your parents are unwilling to support you against these disguting personal attacks made by your sister - then your better off cutting them out too - In my opinion

God forbid one of your family should I ever be struck down with an illness is all I can say, perhaps then you could say "oh pull yourself together and stop being so selfish"

Grrrr! I'm so mad they have treated you this way, you deserve so much better in life. big {{{hugs}}}Clair