my advice...and you dont have to take it...is to leave her...if shes not being supportive or sympathetic at all...its just going to aggrivate the both of you..trust me i had a bf for 4 years...we went through this.. in the end..it just didnt work out..not bc of the ibs..bc of other reasons of course..but a part of it was my ibs.. he couldnt take it anymore..and i did feel guilty about it...but it was something that was completely out of my hands..you need someone whos going to help you and support you..not make you feel like ####
Spontaneous girlfriend doesn't understand
I have had IBS since I was four or five years old. it was worse during high school simply because of the embarasment of having to ask to use the restroom in front of all the other students day in and day out. Things got better after high school, but since I started dating my current girlfriend things have regressed. She is a great fun-loving person who loves to hike and kayak and do things on a whim. As you all well know, we are not inherantly sponataneous people. She thinks that my bouts of IBS are my subconscious sabotaging her plans and tends to take it personally. She says things like "This has to stop." And if I have a bout and feel like just going to bed she says I'm "lame". I love her but she's just making my condition worse. I geel like I can't be sick around her, which causes the cramping and nervousness to get even worse. Any advice?
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It sounds as though your girlfriend is trying to bully you out of having IBS. It's not surprising you say your condition has got worse since you started dating her.How much have you told her about your IBS? Unfortunately, a lot of people seem to have the idea it's a hypochondriac's illness, or they think it's just mild stomach discomfort. Maybe if you explain the severe pain/d/cramping it causes, or printed off some articles on it, she might be more sympathetic.Alternatively, she may be too immature or self-centred to deal with you being ill. To tell someone they are 'lame' for being ill is downright cruel. It seems that she is concerned only with what SHE wants to do (ie.spontaneous trips/outdoor sports); that she tells you you are 'subconciuosly sabotaging her plans' is ridiculous, and once again shows she is only thinking about herself.If you really love her and don't want to finish it, my advice is to take a firm stand and put your health first. Be honest with her about your symptoms, and draw the line at doing things that make your IBS worse. You can still be fun-loving without doing things on a whim/going hiking/kyacking. Things like staying in watching movies/ going to local places /planning and preparing for trips together. To have a sucessful relationship she needs to accept you as you are, IBS and all. Finally, don't forget that there are many, many girls out there who are kind, understanding and sympathetic. There is no need to sacrifice your health and happiness for one who is not.
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I have been entirely open and honest with her right up until she says I'm being gross and she doesn't want to hear about it. It's all moot now anyway. We decided to end the relationship peacefully last night. Though she did make it clear that if I loved myself more it could have worked out. Whatever.
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Thank you so much for your advice. It's really nice to have people who have been there to talk to.
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You did the right thing in ending the relationship now. I was married to a man who thought that I was "delusional" and that I was "boring" because I could not be spontanous like he was. What they don't seem to understand is why would we wish the pain upon ourselves mentally or physically. We ended up divorcing and that was 7 years ago and I have'nt been involved with anyone since. I haven't found anyone that accepts me for who I am. But I will wait and I will NOT put myself in a situation to try and prove myself again. Just be yourself. You will find your true love someday.
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