[tommytomtom]

l'm a new member. l'm male, 40, and have been having IBS symptoms non-stop (except an occasional break) for 15 years. my first brief encounter with IBS was when l was in college, on my parents insurance, so when l graduated, my insurance company made sure not to cover IBS. so even though l've never gone a day in my life without insurance coverage, l have no coverage for my IBS. my doctor says l'm in the worst 2% of IBS sufferers--l've got it all--constipation, diarrhea (and now, thanks to the diarrhea, hemorrhoids), pain, cramping, bloating, nausea, stabbing pains, belching, rock hard stools that make me feel like l'm giving birth...basically, anything that can go wrong with your digestive system goes wrong with mine. and l can't afford to see a doctor, b/c l can't work (and my insurance problems). l'm ruining my wife's life, my family (parents and sisters) are tired of me being down all the time and just want me to ''accept it'' and get on with life--as if that's possible. l now have mental problems, which, who know what came first, the chicken or the egg, but l was a pretty darn happy person until this hit me, and even for the first 5-10 years kept a stiff upper lip, but with the depression weighing on me now, its like, if my stomach is feeling okay, the depression and feeling of worthlessness get to me. and if my stomach's bothering me, well, no need to go into details about how l feel, and the depression hits 10 fold. my life is completely and utterly worthless and pointless--my existence is one of pain and suffering--mental and physical. l just can't deal anymore, and don't really see any point, since no medications or changes to diet have ever helped. l have no reason to think that this is ever going to change--l can be miserable and stressed and my stomach can feel fine, l can be out walking my dogs and my stomach will force me to lay down on the side of the road waiting for the pain to pass. in short, l'm nothing but a burden, and an unhappy one at that. have any of you been to this point and made it past? anyone have any suggestions before l just end this miserable excuse for a life? and this isn't just some passing fancy in the midst of a depressive period--l've been feeling this way and trying to find reasons not to put myself out of my misery and everyone else's for years, and just can't seem to rationalize it all anymore. any thoughts?

 

[Kathleen M.]

We have links to crisis resources herehttp://www.ibsgroup.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=71753The only rationalization I can give you as someone untrained in dealing with crisis is that if you think your friends and family are miserable now, this is nothing compared to the pain and anguish they will suffer from if you kill yourself. Even when things are bad when someone is alive those left behind are always haunted by the event for years and almost never become fully at peace with it. They may heal a lot, but everyone you know will be forever altered and they will torture themselves for a long time before they are able to even being healing from the damage this act will cause.Even when IBS has been really bad for a long time people do sometimes find something that really helps and if you really are depressed enough to hurt yourself the depression alone will make the IBS a lot worse than it would otherwise be. Please get help.

 

[SunNsnow]

It seems hopeless now because of the deep rut you are in.So many things going on all at once. The first recommendation I'd make is to apply for financial assistancethrough a local hospital. If you qualify, some may allow you to seea family physician for no cost at all. You could also seek therapyin addition to the family physician.Treatment for your IBS symptoms could be addressed.And treatment for your depression and feelings of worthlessnesscould be addressed.Once these are addressed, you can then deal with other issuessuch as family/relationships.

 

[SunNsnow]

Depression usually never gets worse and worse and worse.It usually starts out small, then people never get treatment, it creates a vicious cycle since depressed people often do notwork or have good relationships, then people don't gettreatment, it gets worse, etc. But treatment can help. People with anxiety and depressionget better under the care of mental health professionals, beit a psychiatrist or psychologist. Why not try that? If moneyis an issue, you can seek the financial assistance optionor possibly talk to family members who can assist youfor therapy. Non profit organizations, such as churchs andother places also offer free assistance.

 

[BQ]

For sure get the depression treated. There IS help out there.. so take advantage of it. There is NO reason for you to be this miserable. Get help.We are not set up to help you with this.Call a crisis number and go from there:http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/?...CFctx5Qod6D5EwA

 

[Bonzi]

Glad you found this forum and hate to hear you have such a bad case of it. I believe now you can use this as motivation to find a way to get relief so you can share it with others. Imagine being in the top 2% of IBS sufferers and finding a way to get a handle on it, and then being able to share that knowledge and information with others who suffer!Dont stop trying to find a solution. Its out there, and with the right doctors(After finding the right assistance) Im sure you can get this tackled...Am I reading right that you have suffered this for the past 15 years or so without ANY medical attention? If so, I bet your solution is right around the corner. Alot has changed for IBS sufferers and medicine in the past 15 years. Good luck, keep us posted.

 

[ziggy7]

heres the advice i can offerthis is what i did to cure my IBS and stomach problemshttp://www.ibsgroup.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=112669now also i see the things you type you are complaining about ''insurance coverage, l have no coverage for my IBS''do you honestly think doctors are going to cure your IBS?type 2 diabetes, obesity, heart disease, cholesterol,cancer, flu shots, swine flu, recommended healthy diet, these things and more are corrupt. they say heart disease is the number 1 killer but actually its due to the corruption and lies that heart disease has become the number 1 killerawhile back evil people made evil lies about saturated fat being bad for you this lead to more evil lies they made healthy foods like eggs, butter, meat, liver, seafood, look bad and they said low fat was healthy and all these abominations lead to heart disease becomeing the number 1 killernow with all this corruption with so many illnesses what makes you think IBS is any different?seeking a doctor to fix your problem will not work you need to fix it yourselfman hanged Jesus Christ the son of God on the cross. man was evil back then and is still evil today never put any of your faith in maneskimos who eat a diet of up to 80% fat and lots of saturated animal fats have 0% obesity, 0% type 2 diabetes, 0% heart disease, they also have a body fat % of only 11%if doctors really knew what they were doing how come eskimos who do what they say is bad yet have 0% heart disease while people in western society who have the doctors support have a heart disease rate of 40-50%?and as for you thinking about killing yourself never do that because if you kill yourself you will have committed murder and you will be a murderer

 

[Jackmat]

Tommy,1. Get yourself appropriate antidepressant medication.2. Turn your digestive problems into a challenge. Try to figure out the factors that make things worse.I sympathise with the fact that you feel worthless. But be aware that you will inflict a lifetime of misery on your loved ones if you end it. You are NOT, in any way, worthless to them.Jackmat

 

[rckclmbr]

This is my first post on this forum ... I think I chose to respond specifically to yours because I can, in some ways, relate to how you are feeling. I've had IBS my whole life, but it has only gotten bad within the last few years. At this point, I suffer near constant constipation and UTIs ... near Christmas I had what they first thought was C Diff (couldn't eat, unending liquid diarrhea, crushing fatigue, fever, etc.) from the antibiotics, but it didn't clear up with Flagyl or Vanco, so they decided to do an upper endoscopy and a colonoscopy.I'm 28.Anyway, they ruled out C Diff and removed what ended up being a precancerous polyp ... and again returned to the "it's 'just' IBS" answer, advising me to eat more fiber and I'd be fine.Well, that hasn't helped and my IBS is worse now than it was before the Christmas illness. I can't hang out with my friends because my stomach is miserable. I'm still in the process of trying to figure out what I can and cannot eat. I'm trying to find a new fiber supplement that works for me. And then recently, I thought everything was just going to continue that way without getting worse and then I get a CT scan for something unrelated and discover I have diverticula in my sigmoid colon. At the time, they were not infected, although I am currently experiencing some discomfort and am scared of what that could indicate.On top of all of this, I've had depression for 14 years - treatment resistant depression, which means I don't respond to antidepressants and have tried all kinds of SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs, mood stabilizers, GABA stuff, etc. And my anxiety is a beast. I even tried ECT, to no avail.I am so tired of feeling sick all the time. I can't get my IBS under control and it just seems to get worse and new things keep coming up with it and all in all, it is making my already horrible depression even worse.I've been having trouble focusing on anything. I sit around at home all day sensitive to every tiny feeling in my abdomen / body and worry constantly about what's going to happen next, if I'll ever get past this to some kind of IBS-stability, if my diverticula are getting infected, etc. I cry several times a day and feel so desperate for some kind of good news or anything good to happen with my health. My mom and I share an apartment, so she sees me like this and has to put up with hearing all my fears and seeing me so depressed.When people who love us see us like that, it hurts them (obviously) and the stress they feel from not being able to help will eventually affect their health in a negative way and hurt them. However, killing yourself would hurt them in an incomparable way.Sorry this is so long, I just want to communicate to you that you aren't alone. I am feeling very discouraged and defeated, just like you, but I know that suicide is never the answer. I might be miserable in my health woes and my depression right now, but there are always little moments during the day when I feel a moment (however fleeting) of blessedness in being with my family. Even if it's just watching TV together, or asking my mom about her day. I'm miserable, and I feel hopeless, but those little moments of simplicity and love are more than enough to keep me going. Will things ever get better for me physically? I have no idea. I am hopeless in THIS moment, but for the future, I have some hope that some day things won't always be this bad. I have the same hope for you. And even though things are sucky right now, sooooo many people have it sooooo much worse. Right now I'm back to trying different depression meds and am doing some therapy as well ... I'm a little hopeful those could help, at least in how I deal with my health problems.So I'm sorry I can't say that I've gotten past where you are, or offer hope in that manner, but I CAN tell you that I'm pretty close to where you are and I know we aren't alone in our struggles. You know how you said you were a really happy person before all of this and then this just hit you? Well, I think you should hold on because things can change just as quickly in the other direction as well!Don't give up.

 

[tommytomtom]

thanks for your input...the thing about hurting people is this...l've really fallen out of touch with ALL my friends, and the only one's l do have left are too wrapped up in their own lives to even give a #### about me. l'm the black sheep of my family--only boy with 4 girls, and have nothing in common with anyone in my family...they're all in the midwest where we grew up--although moving to another town a few hours away every couple years--8 different schools and 3 different high schools--the last one being the first day of my senior year. then they moved twice again after l went to college, so l have no home--no friends to go visit when l go back there to visit my family, even though, in almost 20 years, l've received 2 visits from my folks and 3 visits from my 4 sisters (2 from one, one from another, none from 2, in 20 years.) none if them do anything but get angry with me for what they perceive as me feeling sorry for myself over tummyaches. they never contact me--once a year maybe, and l gave up on leaving messages for them a few years back. my parents and l have nothing in common, and my dad is a firm believer in the ''feeling sorry for myself'' theory--even though he has never in his 73 years suffered a single major health problem, while l had 10 knee surgeries from age 20-30, 5 major ones,have 2 bad, dislocating shoulders that have both been operated on, tennis elbow in both elbows, which should be called ''lightning elbow'' b/c that's what it feels like is shooting down your arm, the IBS, and a whole bunch of other physical maladies, and of course, the IBS, and now l'm going crazy. l'm on the line of not qualifying for any help--my wife makes a few too many dollars a year to qualify for any public assistance, but can't afford hundreds of dollars an hour for psyches. can't find anyone in my little town in NW montana where people will work on a sliding scale. and l'm just psychologically and physically exhausted--after 15 years of IBS and 8 years of serious mental issues, l'm just exhausted when it comes to trying to ''help myself''. and l only gave you an abbreviated list of my health issues--they gone on and on and on. and to make matters worse, my family doc of 20 years just retired, and he was a great guy who sort of tied everything together instead of always sending my to specialists if he could try to help first, and talked to the specialists himself if he did send me to one. like l said, l'm not sitting here, an emotional quivering mess considering suicide--things are seeming pretty clear and making sense, and l'm just trying to figure out, if l were in a mental facility where someone who had a little less self-control emotionally than l do--if l were in that kind of place, what medications do they give to people with my symptoms. l feel like l'm the only person in the world like this, but l'm smart enough to know that that isn't the case. so l would just like to try to get some information on serious medication that will help an obsessive, depressed, cptsd-suffering, IBS controlled, 40 year old with a lot of real physical problems that add to my depression and mental suffering. l mean, l just can't help but think that there's something they give to people who are checking into a ''facility'' that would serve to just ease the pain, even if it was just addressing the symptoms in the short term.anywho--l got a little more wordy than l intended, sorry. l'm just hoping that l can find a new doc who l can go to and sound as though l've done my homework on my issues and would be willing to say ''that sounds like it makes sense'', even if it my not be right up his/her specialty, and be willing to prescribe me things on other doctors' suggestions (even if it came from the internet), , in order to save me the hundreds of dollars each to go to any of the literally dozens of ''specialists'' who swear they could help me--over the course of many expensive visits, of course, *but no guarantees. l could literally see dozens of ''specialists'' to deal with my multitude of illnesses, and have seem a dozen or so already, all paid for out of our own pocket (while l still pay $300/mo for my insurance premium that refuses to cover any of these supposed pre-existing conditions--only pre-existing b/c l was forced out of my parents insurance and onto my own policy after l graduated from college, and its gotten so bad, l can't get on a new policy--l'm stuck with what l have), and l just can't afford it. anywho, any thoughts would be welcome--thanks for those already offered.

 

[lovely lee]

I know how u feel i have sucuidal many times myself i have had ulcerative colitis for years i have no control over bowel movements several days a week my marriage is on the rocks as my husband told me my health affects the quality of our life like i can help iti am recieving counselling once a week for my condition my medication is doing absoutely squat all like this morning i have been in the bathroom 11 times i have been crying on the bathroom floor as i realise i am better off in another place rather than having to put up with this #### ilnessi just wanted you to know that u are not alone in this suffering i just ask god to take me sometimes as i have given up god bless i hope u get well leexx

 

[BQ]

Tommy

so l would just like to try to get some information on serious medication that will help an obsessive, depressed, cptsd-suffering, IBS controlled, 40 year old with a lot of real physical problems that add to my depression and mental suffering. l mean, l just can't help but think that there's something they give to people who are checking into a ''facility'' that would serve to just ease the pain, even if it was just addressing the symptoms in the short term.

This is really something you should be discussing with your physician.

 

[Kathleen M.]

Gosh do I need to post the whole list of antidepressant? There are several dozen medications that treat depression and anxiety and OCD and PAIN.Often all the in the same exact pill.Something like Cymbalta or Remeron if you are on the Diarrhea side or Zoloft or Paxil if you are on the Constipated side. The nerves that control the gut use the same things the nerves in the brain do and many people here (even ones that are not depressed) find antidepressants can if they find the right one completely control their IBS.Have you told any doctor about your mental struggles? That is the first step. I wouldn't buy any of these drugs on the street.Trust me. I know some people who have been complete jerks in their life that NEVER get over their friend, husband, brother committing suicide. If anything the ones that treated you the worse will be the ones that hurt the most, and don't take that as a reason to do it, you won't be around to enjoy the revenge. All your rationalizations that everyone in the world would be throwing a parade and parties galore if only you would off yourself....is the depression talking. NO ONE, I don't care how mean or obnoxious they are is happy when someone commits suicide. They are always hurt by it. Even if you think you are stronger than those people in the mental hospital, if you are suicidal I would highly recommend going in for a 72 hour evaluation. Even if you think you don't need any help from anyone and you are just being logical and rational. At least call one of the suicide hotlines I posted a link to or look in the front of your phone book for the local numbers. The people here are not trained for crisis management and if you are suicidal you need someone who knows how to work with you and get you through the crisis.Trust me, a heck of a lot of us have been to the point of willing to cut our own colon out (I was just going to do it in the lobby of the emergency room so they'd be able to save my life). Even when the pain is that severe there are drugs that will treat it and like I said most of the ones good for pain also treat the depression and the OCD and all of that.

 

[SunNsnow]

Hi Tom,You mentioned cptsd - were you in the military?And you mentioned 'obsessive.' By this do you meanOCD?There are a lot of meds, but most likely you would getan anti-depressant and talk therapy for your depression and sometimes that med also addresses OCD but oftenthey are not giving newer, more effective meds for OCD. Part of the therapy will be one or two medicinesand part will be talk therapy/cognitive behavioraltherapy. Here are some links:OCD:http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/ocd/treatment.aspDepression:http://www.mayoclinic.org/depression/

 

[tommytomtom]

thanks...its nice to know someone else feels the back-and-forth insanity of l'm fine/l'm about to die feeling. l just feel like such a burden, and as much as l hate to say it, l feel like other people think of me as a burden who should be out working, but who wants to hire someone for a job when they call in sick for 2 weeks at a time, once a month? it just doesn't work.

 

[iknowtheproblem]

Tommy please seek professional help. There is plenty of medications and therapy solutions out there to help you. People do care! They may not show it but trust me they care.

 

[rckclmbr]

Tommy,Go find a good psychiatrist -- one who can listen to your story / symptoms, help you find a good medication that will help you, monitor your progress with that medication, and be able to do some therapy as well. Either that, or go check yourself into a psych place for a bit. There's nothing wrong with doing that, and it may give you some help AND some perspective. I was recently part of an ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) research study which meant going into the psych ward on treatment days to get my ECT, and I actually thought to myself that if I ever get really, really bad, I would definitely go stay there if I needed to. The difference between finding a psychiatrist and checking into a psych place for awhile is that you'll get more immediate help at a psych hospital because they can spend more time with you, start you on something, do some therapy, and really keep a good eye on how you're doing in a more intensive way since you'd be an inpatient.It might also help in a psych hospital because you'd be around others who are suffering from depression and it would maybe help you to see that there are people a lot worse off ... and that you aren't alone at all.The psych hospital where I got my treatments was a pretty cool place. The patients watched TV together, could play games or do puzzles, had a piano, and had constant access to doctors.And whatever you do, remember that when you start on an antidepressant / therapy, it all TAKES TIME. So don't give up.

 

[Jackmat]

My sympathies to the newbies (Lovely Lee and Rockclimber).Lovely Lee have you tried SCD (the Specific Carbohydrate Diet)? There are many anecdotal success stories that indicate this diet can put IBD's into remission. You have to eliminate grains (wheat, rice etc) but its easily replaced with almond meal. I was on it for quite some time and enjoyed it!Tommy, you might have TMS (Tension Myositis Syndrome). I was desperately ill a year ago and learning about TMS enabled me to make a full recovery. The symptoms you describe are some of the classic symptoms of TMS. When I suffered TMS a year ago, the pain in my gut, my back etc was real, but evidently, it was my brain that was putting it there.Google it. Jackmat

 

[King Of The Small Room]

and as for you thinking about killing yourself never do that because if you kill yourself you will have committed murder and you will be a murderer

Well that's helpful isn't it, I'm sure you've really put his mind at ease with that little bit of advice.

 

[BQ]

***Please let's stick to the original poster's questions/concerns and stop reviewing other people's responses.***Thank You for your cooperation.