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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was wondering how much support that you all get from your spouse or other significant one? Been having ibs for two years now.My hubby to some extent thinks that he understands now but for the most part he's compassionate but doesn't really understand. He'll notice when we are out and I get stomach cramps and he'll say "we have to go home now, honey?" And sometimes when I'm having an extremely bad bout he'll come in the bathroom and cry with me, because he says he can't imagine going through that kind of pain on a daily basis. I try to get him to read some literature on ibs for that he could have a better understanding but he says that he already knows enough just by watching me!I think he gives me enough support but is not fully understanding the effects of ibs on me. Someone mentioned in the chat room about having a chat for spouses of ibs and that would be a great idea! So whoever brought that up, let's talk!I don't want him to have walk in my shoes but to understand when we have leave now and not make any smart unkind remarks about having to go so soon!Does anyone have any ideas about this?Brandi ------------------
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Hi Brandi,I have had IBS for some time but it has been the most trouble over the last 3 months. I have been married to a great person for over 30 years and it really bothers me to know how hard it is for my wife to helplessly watch me losing weight and in despair. Sometimes I think that this is worse than all the other ibs stuff. I only found this website the other day and believe that it is good for both of us to know we are not alone. Your husband sounds like a good guy.Len10
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
My husband is very supportive. It is painful for him to watch me go through the D and abdominal cramps. He is there when the panic and anxiety get too much for me to handle. I know it makes him feel helpless but I reassure him that by just being around he has made it so much better.I think a Chat session is a good idea though I don't know if he would attend. Maybe we could designate a day for our support people to post questions on the BB.There is no way for him to know what it is like for me but I thank God I have the support of someone like him. Some days he and my son are the only reason I get out of bed (that and to go to the bathroom!!!).
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hi Southern! I just read your reply and agree with you about the designated BB for spouses. My husband probably wouldn't do the chat thing but maybe I could get him to read the BB. I'll have to email Eric or Jeff about this!And also I find that my husband is supportive for whatever I do to make this better for me whether I do hypnotherapy,cognitive therapy, and a high drug store bill. But deep down I know he doesn't understand!Brandi ------------------
 

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Brandi, your husband sounds wonderful! My hubby is not the sensitive type, but he's pretty understanding about my IBS. His approach is to treat it in a humorous way--like calling me his Potty Animal. Or whenever we see a truck towing a Porta Potty, he'll say, "There goes your dream car!" While sometimes he makes these jokes in front of friends or family and I feel absolutely humiliated, for the most part it relaxes the tension and shame I sometimes feel about IBS, and lets me know he doesn't find me unattractive or unacceptable because of it. As for a spouse chat, I don't suppose he would participate. He has diabetes, and I've been trying to get him to sign up for one of the many BBs for that condition, but he won't, even after I tell him how much I have been helped by this Board.
 

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Brandi, I wasnt going to answer this because I usually dont come over to this side unless I need to respond to or ask a question that I feel qualified to answer or ask.. But I will respond to this.. As you know I am a spouse, I am told time and time again that I am a rare breed I guess.. As for a "other half" chat forum thing .. I would be all for it but most other halves feel like talking about their other halves bathroom problems to be rather not discussable.Plus they might think that they need to put on a act to make the others think they understand it better than anyone else..To have a chat for that you would want it to be something that they WANT to know more about and that they wouldnt feel less than anyone else and want to expand there knowledge on.. Some people think that talking about there other half to be rude or against the commitment that they made to one another.. I came here to LEARN all I could about what was going on with my spouse as time went on I also started feeling like the people here where a part of my family and I want to learn more about IBS for them as well.. ( I know how corny that sounds trust me my hubby tells me that all the time) I would love to try to help ANYBODIES other half learn about this.. But they need to make the first step like I did.. I hope this all made sense.. I sometimes cant express things in words the way I wish . Take care Sheila ------------------Before you can make your dreams come true, you must have a dream - unknownSPOUSE of IBS/C type[This message has been edited by sheila-061968 (edited 07-23-2000).]
 

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My husband understands IBS. He does not know how to support a wife with IBS, though. I have asked him to talk to someone about support, but unfortunately he thought HE was going to be the expert and not the one needing advice!I'm certain he wouldn't do a chat or even a public forum like the BB. I do think he'd agree to private email. Since my hubby knows all about IBS, he thinks he is supportive. But he has no empathy. He's commented that he feels helpless when I have an attack and I'm sure it bothers him that this is something he can't fix. So he chooses not to acknowledge it. This BB has taken the pressure off of him to be supportive, because he knows how important my friends from the board are to me.Sheila's right - they have to want to take the first step. And as long as I have you all, he'll see no reason to up his support. What a dilemma.Karen
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks everyone for posting your comments. Sheila I have to admire you for being the support that you are for your husband. Does he appreciate it? Zig as far as the Porta Potty and other potty name that's funny. I would get aggravated if my husband called me that but I guess it's better to find some kind of humor in this. And Karen my husband says that he knows all he needs to know just by watching me and he is very supportive for me having online friends who understands what having this is like.And just to add this in especially for you Zig my husband has thought about calling me his little hershey squirt! LOL!Brandi ------------------
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I feel very lucky to have such a supportive husband. He is truly my rock in all of this. He has known about my IBS for almost the whole time we've known each other. I know that he loves me whether I'm feeling bad all day or feeling really good. He also says that he can not imagine feeling sick as often as I do, and he wishes there were more he could do. Unlike my mom, he has never even implied (much less said) that this is all in my head. I really am blessed to have him in my life, and I think he is probably the reason I have a lot of my good days. :)I don't think he would participate in a chat, but he might occasionally do a bb. He isn't much on the computer though, so he probably woulnd't be very active. ------------------ Mandy
 

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My hubby doesn t understand IBS (I'm not sure I do,I just suffer thru it now),but he s trying to help.He doesn t get it,when i say: I can t go,or can't have this food...my stomach is really bad.Or if i get lots of gas,he really don t like it.....As if i do!!! Bravo the Sheila and others out there,who helps their spouse...... Everyone understand,I'm not complaining ,at all,I just have do deal with this on my on... He does help me thru other stuff that goes thru my life....not IBS.------------------Fuzzz (fed up with IBS)
 

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My husband tries to understand the IBS but I am sure it is hard for him to completely realize how I feel. Since we have been together for 20 years he has seen alot. He has been very supportive with going to ER, leaving his job when I couldn't care for my child, & he is always sure he can be with me when I have to have tests like the endo or colonoscopy. He hasn't always understood the irritability that can accompany this condition...and has lost patience from time to time like anyone might. I am very lucky that he is caring & understanding overall.
 
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