[21286]

HiI guess today is a really bad day. My dentist prescribed me percocet and I am suppose to take 1 every 6 hours for toothache pain. Instead of taking 1 today I took 4. Last night i stayed up until 3:30 because I was having anxiety.Today I stayed home from work to work from home because I'm too depressed to even get dressed.I am having constant thoughts about suicide today. I don't enjoy my life anymore. No matter what I try to do to fix myself I can't seem to get well.I love my children and my husband but I feel worthless and I feel like I'm in the way. I was thin and beautiful two years ago and then I got pregnant. Now I'm a whopping 220 pounds..........I don't know what has happened to me. I hate it. Then on top of being the fat girl I have this stupid stomach ailment and anxiety thing. I can't seem to get the obsessive thoughts of dying out of my head. I never remember having this type of depression until after the birth of my son last January. I had GERD and IBS and I was a little fidgity but not like this. I used to be so into my career and now it's a drag. I used to be the life of the party, the positive go-getter. Now I am invisible. I don't know what to do anymore. I have a two car garage and my husband bought me my dream car this Valentine's day. A beautiful little convertible bmw. I barely got excited about that eventhough it has always been my dream car. Now all I feel like doing is getting into that car, closing all the doors and garage and firing up the engine. These feelings of doom and death won't let up. I am afraid of what I might do to myself.

 

[17431]

Hey Chris, I'm sorry you feel this way. Your kids need you, think what they would go through if mommy was to leave them. You know, I have started having a lot of depression over the last three years as well. I had a little before, but, it came to a head 3 yrs ago, when my husband cheated on me. I thought my life was over, I couldnt get through a day without thinking about it. I have sense then, given up about everything i enjoyed doing, i havent done any of my hobbies for three years now, i have thought about starting again, but just cant get myself to do it. Now my husband is on his second deployment to iraq, he was only home about 8 months in between. We have two kids that need all of my time, when i'm not working that is. I feel like i have too much on my shoulders, never any time for me, i'm just overwhelmed and sometimes i really hate my life and what it's become. But then, my little guy comes for a hug because he knows mommmy is sad and i realize, they need me and i need them, even though they drive me nuts, they would have no one to be here for them. I cant imagine their sad little faces without mommy. So, dont give up, none of us are what we used to be before babies, but if we think about it, we are so much more. Dont feel sad, try to stay strong. Email me anytime if you ever want to talk.

 

[SpAsMaN*]

Perhaps join a clinical trial in your area on IBS and take some times for yourself.

 

[bonniei]

Please tell someone in your real life how you feel. If nothing call a crisis line. You need a real live person to help you deal with it. Also maybe you need a change of meds. Really with the right meds you can and will be better. Please make an appointment with your psychiatrist ASAP. Like you said on another thread it is a chemical imbalance. And probably taking 4 Perocet has messed up your chemicals even more. The chemicals make you feel your depression is very real. Not that it isn't real but look at it this way, if those chemicals were put into balance, the depression would disappear almost overnight. Sometimes I wonder how I felt the way I did when I was in the throes of my illness. It seems so unreal now. It is all in the meds. Persist with your doc until you feel bettter. You need a med for anxiety and one for depression . Ask for anti-anxiety meds. Also these psychiatric meds can make you put on weight. They make you calmer and all the energy that would have been burned off if you were less calm gets stored as fat. They also increase your appetite. So you need to be cautious about your diet when taking these meds. Maybe ask your doc for a med which will make you less prone to put on weight. And you said you felt you were in the way. You are not. I think your hub loves you a lot and he got you a BMW. If you were in the way, he would have barely put up with you, not gone out of his way to make you happy. And like carebear said your kids need you. Of course you are not in their way.

 

[13568]

I am also having very bad depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide. I am seeing my therapist regularly and reading books. Today I am going to try new meds and got a book called "Mind over Mood"

 

[AchtungBaby]

Hi Chris,I hit rock bottom when I was first diagnosed with IBS over a year ago. It has changed my personality, social life and daily routine. I felt that nobody would really understand what I am going through. My family thought it's all in my head, co-workers were bitching about me and on top of that, I was in major pain. The most frustrating part still is that some people think I am lazy but they don't know I am in the bathroom for at least an hour in the morning. Anything seemed to be a hassle all the sudden. The things I loved like clubbing, shopping,etc. were no fun anymore. My attitude changed when I saw disfigured children who have been exposed to chemicals. My dad is currently recovering from colon cancer plus he recently had a heart attack and blot clots in his lungs. Yes, IBS is difficult to deal with but the people on this board also helped me to improve my condition. I am very grateful for that. Please do not consider suicide. You have kids and a husband who love you very much. Best Wishes!

 

[overitnow]

Chris,I had a friend who I have known for 20 years. He lived down the street from us, with his wife and daughter. We ate at each others' homes, vacationed together, went to movies, school concerts, men's rib nights, the pub. This Easter he hung himself. My wife has been down at their home most nights, helping his wife through the night. All of our group's relationships have been damaged. His wife is reeling. His daughter, in 3rd year university back east, was unable to write some of her exams. She, who shares so much with her father, will forever be looking for signs of this in herself. His wife will always wonder why.Because of this, others whose lives have been hurt by suicides have come forward to talk with us about it. It never goes away. Please don't do it. Make a list of ALL of the remedies you have read about on the Board. Just methodically start going through them. Somewhere, something will click. I can't say strongly enough how transformed you will feel when you finally hit upon your treatment. Once you begin to get this under control, improving the rest of your health will be easy. (And if you see an old guy in a gold Solera ragtop, wave, it might be me.)This can get better.Mark

 

[17176]

not really going into this topic as i may say stuff that will annoy people, thing is whats the bloody point of contemplating suicide!!!! its ibs we have not something far worse!makes me real angry when i see these kinda topics, get a grip!!

 

[17176]

ps: forgot to add that in my lifetime ive had things happen to me that im not gonna go into on here but im still here

 

[Zanne]

Hey Chris,Ok, first just ignore that previous post. Got that?I understand, I've been there. It's not just the IBS, that is just part of the puzzle. Depression is a real disease, the anxiety that goes along with it is real. And the responsibilities of life can just pile up. We feel like we have to live up to certain standards of society. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. Sometimes you reach a point that you are in so much physical and emotional pain that suicide appears a viable solution. I know you just want to make the pain go away.Now, that being said, suicide is not a viable solution. It doesn't just make your pain go away, it makes everything go away. Think to yourself, what would stop me from trying suicide? My children, my husband, my family, my friends? They are there and I'm sure they care very deeply about you, and would miss you beyond imagination. I know you may feel very alone right now, even when you are surrounded by others.Please, Please, Please talk to someone, your doctor, your husband, a friend. Go pick up your children and give them a hug. Pick up the phone and call someone, invite them over or go to their house. You need to speak to someone face to face.It is hard, it is tough, you are tired, but just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And let someone in to help.I've been there, it can and will get better.Zanne

 

[kateandtink]

there are worse things that can happen but depression can make things that seem out of proportion to us but real to the sufferer. Try to remember when you have your IBS bad days, if they are bad its a rairty that you will be happy adn dancing around the streets most of us feel like the worlds going to end. Depression can be linked to IBS go see your DOCTOR you need some anti depressants , dont do anything silly theres always a light at the end of the tunnel

 

[21286]

Thanks to all who replied. I did call somebody and they gave me some phone numbers of some good psychiatrsit. I was extremely depressed yesterday and the people on the phone told me it was because I took more than the prescribed amount of percocet. The percocet was actually helping my abdominal pain.Suicide runs in my family and it's real scary. My aunt tried it, mom tried (almost succeeded) and my brother also tried.I don't know what's wrong w/ me. I have this horrible IBS which gives me all sorts of weird pains and cramping. On top of that I just feel so anxieted out all the time and that leads to bad depression.A person responded on here that I guess decided I was not worth the time. So many people get that kind of treatment that have mental illness. They get shoved aside and laughed at. My daughter was in a mental hospital for two years (she is only 10) because of severe depression. At 7 she wanted to die. So, please understand that people w/ chronic depression on very bad days really do consider ending their lives. Sometimes there isn't any real reason....chemical inbalance.Today isn't much better but my thoughts of ending it have gone away. I hope they stay gone for awhile. I don't like that feeling. It scares me.

 

[Wmtand]

Sickofbeingsick22 - I am so glad that the overwhelming though of suicide has passed for now. And I am also so glad that you have the guts / courage to share your thoughts with others. That is a huge step in getting help and just take it one day at a time. - - Depression is very much an illness and anyone that says "get over it" should consider themselves lucky because they have no idea how awful it is. (experience talking0 One final thought, please Please please continue to think of how important you are to your family, freinds and co-workers. This week three years ago, a very dear freind of mine took his own life and we will never know why or be able to help him. What we do know and continue to feel three years later is devastatiion. His family has been crushed, his friends lonely and work still misses his presence. Please don't do this to the ones you love. There is help and support for you. Feel free to email me direct if I can help

 

[21402]

Dear sick of Being sick,Its not worth it. Everyone thinks of suicide, especially those of us who are sick.You have children. You have love.Its just 100% not worth it.<3Pam

 

[15185]

Sickofbeingsick:If you have this much depression in your family and know this much about it, why aren't you being treated for it? You say you understand that depression is a real illness so you know that you need a good doctor and the right meds, right? Think about your kids and get the help you need, right away.PS: Pamela, I don't agree that everybody thinks about committing suicide. I have crohns and have never once thought of killing myself. The thoughts that sickofbeingsick is having come from untreated depression.

 

[MartyG]

I cannot stress enough of how important it is to get help from a qualified person. I have worked in the mental health field for over 15 years and my husband is a psychologist.Just day to day coping with life is stressful enough and having IBS on top of that is sometimes more than can be handled at one time. Each of us is different and we handle situations and crisis in our lives differently. What may happen to one person would not even faze another person.I sincerely hope that you find someone who will help to guild you through your darkness. In the meantime try to focus on your family and how hurt they would be if you were not in their lives.Marty

 

[bonniei]

Glad you are feeling better today, Chris. I don't know if you called a crisis line, but please remember to call them the next time you are panicking. A book I found very helpful in dealing with my depression was Feeling Good by David Burns. It is a fairly thick book but if you get it try to read 10 pahges a day. You will probably finish it in a month. But it is worth every dime you spend on it. It costs about $8.00. There is a Vertical arrow Technique in it which I found particularly helpful in dealing with my depression. The book is based on cognitive therapy which is the most effective for dealing with depression.

 

[17176]

i must stress this!!!! im NOT being unsympathetic i just feel life is too precious to waste.a dear friend of mine had her beautiful little girl murdered years ago by a total *** hole in dunblane scotland and a valuable lesson i learned from her was you HAVE to carry on, regardless of whats happened, and she is so right like i said ive had some awful,devastating things happen to me in my life and im still here, ok we are all different but i feel we are not meant to end our own lives, him above decides when our time is up.Zanne i will ignore your comment this time!!!!

 

[21286]

Hi,Actually, I am being treated for depression. I am Doxepine (50mg each night). I also have been seeing a life coach. I am "in line" for a psychiatric appointment in July. So, my depression is being treated. But thanks for the advice.Suicide doesn't seem like an option today; however each day brings a new feeling and somedays are better/worse than other days.

 

[AD]

I just wanted to add that I have felt the same way. It often seems like life is not worth living, but God created each of us for a purpose. Without the hope of eternity with Jesus, life would be totally meaningless. I certainly would have killed myself long ago if it were not for my faith in Jesus as Lord and Savior. It's such a comfort to know that someday, we'll have new bodies made to last forever with no IBS, no pain, and no depression.I'll keep you in my prayers and hope you get to feeling better soon!