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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone. I'm 24, and look successful on paper. I graduated from a good school and have been working good advertising/marketing jobs for about 2 years in San Francisco. I've had IBS-A for 6 years, and while the physical symptoms are bad, I'm finding the mental side of things to be even more debilitating.

At my best I am outgoing, sharp, clear and creative. But rarely am I at my best. Most days I struggle just to be 50%. I struggle with composure and confidence, and now more than anything, motivation. See the thing is, I know I can be successful. But after years of performing under my abilities and expectations, I feel very discouraged. To the point where I'm considering changing careers. It's no fun being in an environment that is a constant reminder that I'm underperforming.

My pedigree is great and I tend to do well in interviews so I don't have much problem getting good jobs, but struggle adapting socially and usually underperform so I hop from job to job. It's always the same.

I guess my perspective on life and work has changed living with a functional disease. I don't see a lot of meaning in advertising and social media marketing, and don't like the grind of being chained to a desk and computer the entire day. I am very movement-oriented person, even if I don't always have the typical energy I was born with.

I'm thinking about taking a year to teach english abroad, and then come back and get credentialed to become a PE teacher.

My dilemma is that I don't know if my IBS is prompting this need for change because I'm struggling or if it's bringing out what's been inside me all along. I feel very stuck, and kind of scared about what my career holds for me.
 

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Similar story here. The disease struck badly in my last year of my master in engineering. Still, I continued and completed a Ph.D. and a postdoc. In my case I was always in extreme pain which makes it very difficult to focus. I loved my job, but I was not satisfied with my results. Furthermore, a demanding job was not helping me health-wise. I quit my job and moved back to my parent's home. It is a scary move, but I had no other option. What can I do if I am sick everyday?

Eleven years of chronic disease have changed my perspective of life. I have different expectations, I value different things.

I wish I could recover and devote my life to be helpful to others, but so far I am the one which is in need of help.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Eleven years of chronic disease have changed my perspective of life. I have different expectations, I value different things.

I wish I could recover and devote my life to be helpful to others, but so far I am the one which is in need of help.
Thanks for sharing. This is kind of where I'm at as well. The idea of material wealth doesn't have the same luster it did 5 years ago. If I can't succeed to my expectations, I want to at least feel like what I'm doing is valuable to others.
 

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patos and jaumeb--agreed. well said, both of you. living for years with a chronic disease has changed my perspective as well.

patos--it really sounds like the career change you are contemplating would be good for you because of all the reasons you stated plus you said you're a movement oriented person and being chained to a desk all day is hard for people like that--i know--i'm one of them which is why, when i was working, after i had my first desk job i switched and never chose another one. i found, with my problems--constipation and bloating--that sitting all day made me feel worse and that moving around made me feel a bit better and seemed to help my digestion too..

and money sure isn't everything. i've learned that. your health and mental well being, peace of mind are far more important.

we've had a number of posts here over the years from people who, because they had ibs or another functional gastro disease, made a major career switch which resulted in a lower income but which turned out to be a move they were happy with and were glad they had done. and it takes a lot of courage to make a big change like this but people who posted felt it was worth it.

good luck with everything!
 

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patos90 - Similar situation here. My career (and love life, if any) is in danger. I just struggle to pass each week.

In my first two jobs, I struggled to get simple things done. Not because I was inherently dumb/slow, but because I was not at the peak of my health. My main problem was constipation pains and insufficient sleep. I took longer to complete projects and that did not go well with my employers. Then, I gradually improved my constipation problem. However, in the path to improvement, I got a hiatal hernia which is painful too. I can manage it, but it scares me because when it strikes, it sometimes messes my sleep. Other than that, I often wake up too soon due to early morning gas.

The worst part is that often, my body can't put itself to deep sleep even after 4-5 days of insufficient sleep. Any normal person would break down. I did try mild doses of sleep meds for a while, but they did not turn out to be very good.To add to that, these things cause anxiety and that either messes sleep or prevents me from falling back to sleep after I wake too soon.

So, given all these conditions, I chose low level roles which are not as intensive or demanding. I am struggling there too, but not as much. Overall, its going okayish. I am now trying to fix my sleep. To make things more challenging, I now have a new body pain problem that hurts intermittently and makes me unhappy. But, that is manageable.

I know that if I am unable to fix my sleep, then there is a high chance that I might lose my job. What would I do then? I don't really know. Maybe work as a store clerk somewhere or just commit suicide.

I am not in a dark mood, but I don't see the point in living like this forever. I want to be doing awesome things instead of easy and routine, dating a nice girl and settling down with her, going out and enjoying things etc. How can I do all these things if my sleep is not stable? Besides, I am skinny and regular looking. I don't even make much money. How is that going to get me any girl, even if my standards are realistic and simple ? How can I go out and enjoy much, when I am feeling miserable? I don't want to live like that. I can't accept this version of myself!!! I am inherently a smart guy and I have proven it in school, college and work, but very few times and far less than what others do.

Before all this, when IBS and lack of sleep was at its peak, I mentioned suicide to my parents and they told me no. Glad I listened. It took me years to fix the damn thing and get to where I just mentioned. So, that is the main reason for my hope.

I don't smoke, drink or do drugs. I eat healthy mostly and take care of myself generally. Why do I have to be the one to go through all this [email protected]? Why don't the fools who drink themselves to death every weekend end up like me? How about the jerks around us all?

Its hard to accept this reality. Why do some of us end up like this ? Why ?

If I don't fix this problem or improve it significantly in the next 2-3 years, then you WILL actually be seeing a suicide note here. That is a promise. I'll just consume a bunch of sleeping pills and then upload my personal info, pics and story.

Until then, I'll forget all this gloomy stuff, look for solutions and fight back real hard. If I win, you'll be seeing pics of me, my wife (and kids???) from the time we grow to a ripe old age. It will be an inspiration to you.

PS - Which part of the country are you in, i.e east coast, west, north, south ? I don't need the city.
 

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Indian Rope Trick --i'm really sorry you're feeling this way and i know you've been going through a lot with all your health problems.

i really don't know what to say so i'm just going to talk off the top of my head here. just my 2 cents.

i have had chronic insomnia for many many years as well as constipation and other health problems. and yes it is hard. and one thing i know about insomnia is that a lack of sleep does contribute to feeling depressed. the less sleep i get, the worse i feel and that can contribute to feeling depressed.

i have found that mediation helps gives my mind a rest. even just clearing my mind for a few minutes periodically during the day helps.

one thing that has helped me over the years is to not focus on what i can't do but instead to focus on what i CAN do. and do be positive and accepting about that. and oh yes--maintaining this attitude was very difficult at first but with time it gets easier. i've found that every thing gets easier with time.

i don't ask "why me". i once read in a book about someone whose friend was a doctor and who said instead of asking himself "why me" he started to ask "why not me" and, as he said, that made all the difference. that may seem a hard philosophy but when you think about it, it's true. sooner or later, everyone has problems with life and many people keep these to themselves so we really don't know what others are going through.

also--focusing on the present moment instead of worrying about the future, regretting the past etc really helps. just take care of the present moment.

please please--suicide is not the answer. it deeply hurts all of the people who know and love you. they will never get over it. never. even people who you may think do not care about you will be affected by it. often we think people don't care but they do--they just don't know how to show it.

and besides--there is a lot of research being done for functional digestive diseases including constipation as well as research on insomnia. right now i'm participating in a focus group for insomnia research. and i read medical news feeds that talk of studies, research etc. so there is always the hope that a new medication or treatment will be developed that will help you.

yes, do fight hard. please don't lose hope. i started having constipation and insomnia problems in childhood. and developed a lot of other problems in my 40's due to mitochondrial disease.. i'm 63 now--old--lol...and maybe i never fully reached my potential but i feel my life, despite all the pain and fatigue, has been good-- i don't look at what i couldn't do, i focus on what i can do and i take one day, one minute at a time. and never ever lose hope. please.

PM me if you ever want to talk.

just my 2 cents.
 

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Thanks for the encouraging words Annie. They mean a lot to me. I think I just lost it there for a while. Yes, I do worry too much and my mind is often filled with different types of thoughts. So, I will meditate and stop worrying. I sometimes think that I complain too much and wish for "perfectness" in life. One of the reasons for wishing for perfection, is because I don't really see people dating those who are "imperfect", especially due to health. If I find someone, then good. Otherwise, I'll just have to accept it and keep myself happy.
 

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oh thanks...well, you know it's totally normal to want our lives to be good, to be perfect, our health to be good. we all want that. and it's rough to have to play the hand you're dealt when life deals you a crummy hand..

and yes i saw the earlier post you had in the lounge and wanted to reply but got sidetracked but all i could think of is yes, you do see that. all the time. people wanting to date only people who are good looking, have a good job, money etc --in other words, "perfect" people and how utterly unrealistic and unfair that is--to judge another person so superficially like that when really it's who you are inside that counts. and all this is fueled by the media--ads etc--our society--promoting perfection to the enth degree like it does...so superficial. don't get me started. i could rant on and on about this forever.

perfection is against nature. nature isn't perfect. and that, in itself, is it's own special kind of perfection. l'd better just shut up for now before i get carried away but i've always wished more people could/would see past appearances and be willing to get to know the person underneath all that.
 

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about sleep. i've been meaning to mention this to you, maybe you've already tried it but i read about this in a magazine (yes i still read those--i'm old) and i didn't really think it would help but often it does. when you can't sleep, can't stop your mind from thinking, worrying--try counting backwards.

counting forward--as in sheep--never worked for me--it just made me worse. but for some reason, the counting backwards thing works for me. not always but much of the time. it helps keep your mind focused more because it's not quite as easy as counting forward. but it's not so difficult that you have to concentrate too hard which can be counter productive to sleep. and i start high--with 999 or even 9999--because i don't want to run out of numbers lol...

and it doesn't matter if you lose count or start thinking about other things. when you catch yourself doing that, just gently lead lead your mind back to the number or if you've forgotten (like i do) what the number was, just start over. it's sort of meditative. and helps keep my mind from worrying about when will i ever get to sleep and how bad i'll feel if i don't.
 

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@patos90, @jaumeb - pretty much my life in a nutshell. IBS (and chronic depression & OCD) struck when I was ~ 20 and upturned my life. I shalln't go into detail suffice to say it's as you guys have said. Everything is focused around the illness, intentionally or otherwise. I'm now 40 and am quite surprised to still be here frankly.

An understanding employer is critical IMO. I have been fired twice (an unpleasant experience) from asshole companies and have had long stints with sympathetic employers. Granted I'm sure they get pissed off when I miss big chunks of the week but thankfully they can see that overall I'm an asset. I can make up the lost time on the weekend or at night for example.

On the home-side, I (amazingly) have 2 kids. Some days (read: many days) the pain and level of suffering is bad and the main thing that keeps me going is that I know that I'm supporting those two little creatures. Sure, when I come home and don't want to play and just want to lie down and drink, I'm not a barrel of laughs. However I know that I'm supporting them and that means something.

I'm now used to how IBS severely affects almost all aspects of my life. "Used to" doesn't make it hurt any less though, it's as demoralising today as it is when it first dawned on me that I might be stuck with IBS.

Anyway, to answer your question:

My dilemma is that I don't know if my IBS is prompting this need for change because I'm struggling or if it's bringing out what's been inside me all along. I feel very stuck, and kind of scared about what my career holds for me.
- I don't think it matters what the cause is. You feel the need for change and it sounds prudent to respect that. Especially if it's a change that helps you incorporate your IBS in your life.
 
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Thank you for this response, twonK. It's interesting to hear from someone who's actually lived through this. I often wonder as well if I'll be here if this is still here in 20 years, but I guess there's no other choice.

My main questions for you: How did you bring IBS up to your employers? What kind of work did you do? Did you find certain types of work more copacetic with your IBS than others?
 

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Thank you for this response, twonK. It's interesting to hear from someone who's actually lived through this. I often wonder as well if I'll be here if this is still here in 20 years, but I guess there's no other choice.
No worries. I'm sorry if this prospect is depressing! Do bear in mind that everyone's IBS experience is different. You may yet find med(s) or other treatment that significantly help with your pain & discomfort. There are plenty of reports that it improves with time for some folk.

My main questions for you: How did you bring IBS up to your employers?
First off I'd check what the unfair-dismissal laws are in SF. It can't help to be aware of this stuff in case your employer reacts like a dick. Also, if you're in a trial period at a new job (e.g. first 6 mo), wait until that's over.

I tend to (I've done this a few times now) prepare for, and then set up a 1/2 hour meeting with the salient boss(es). I explain briefly what IBS is and focus on the aspects of it that would affect someone's work e.g. pain, lethargy, fuzzy-headedness. I also then suggest a more flexible schedule whereby if I'm bad during Monday p.m., I simply do the hours instead on Monday evening. Or on the weekend. Try and be positive and spin it in a neutral light. Most employers like it when you come up with solutions in any scenario, but especially a sensitive, apparently-negative one like this. Remember that (State-dependent I think) they're in an inherently tricky position regarding unfair dismissal.

I list the treatments I've tried (many) since they'll want to hear you're not just taking this lying down. Hopefully after a while they'll see that you've done the best you can and that you've come up with some good workarounds. They'll probably ask several insulting questions/observations "have you tried eating more fiber", "when I get stomach pain, I avoid spicy food", "green bananas give me a stomach ache". Field them in good grace - they're mainly trying to sympathise.

What kind of work did you do? Did you find certain types of work more copacetic with your IBS than others?
I'm a computer programmer basically. Hence thankfully I sit on my arse all day. When I see guys doing manual labour I can't imagine how hard that would be. Then again, being immobile is not good for my IBS either. Strangely I find lying on my front is best but I can't do that at work, even though my workplace is pretty cool and has stand-up desks and dogs and beer and stuff.

One last thing. Finding employees who aren't rubbish, aren't lazy and are trustworthy is actually hard. Once a company likes you and you've got your foot in the door, it's surprising in my experience how flexible they're willing to be to keep you. Naturally you must repay this faith by trying hard yourself e.g. catching up on hours you missed.

I hope this all helps somewhat. I'm happy to spout more if that would help.

Cheers, Pete
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks to all the positive support, I feel pretty good about my decision to find more meaningful work that plays better with my IBS. I really hope teaching works out. I have begun applying for jobs, and hopefully can keep my current one until then.

As such, an issue I'm going through now is that once I make my mind up that I don't want to be someplace, all motivation goes out the window. I'm having a difficult time getting anything accomplished at my current job and feel an overwhelming combination of anxiety/depression while at the office. But then I feel better when I get home. This isn't the first time this has happened.

I've had 5-6 separate jobs (including internships) in almost 3 years since graduating. I can't seem to stay at a place long before something goes wonky. I hope this is because marketing was just never a good fit with my IBS, but I'm terrified of what my career holds for me because this isn't sustainable. I am too intelligent to do anything menial!
 

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I share very similar situation with all you guys. I graduate from good schools, and am now doing PhD. But I have been considering quitting my phd program from time to time, for I really cannot concentrate, and i don't know when i could be cured. i used to see myself as smart, easy-going, conscientious, but I have changed a lot during the past decade due to my chronic constipation problems. Now, nobody believes I have a serious issue, and people tend to think I am just lazy, lacking self-control. My PhD supervisor is in general sympathetic, but I can feel that he never believes that my personality weakness is due to the illness. Instead, he believes it is because I have always been a person lacking strong will, and the illness is just a consequence. He keeps encouraging me to believe in God and pray for being cured by the holy spirit, and I tried, but it doesn't work (at least not for the last four months).

It also changes my perspective. in the past, I am self-confident, and seldom questions the meaning of life, believing that I can work out a good career, can change the world, as long as I work hard. Now I am thinking about the meaning of my academic research and my life in general every day, but the more I think, the less I gain. Yes, I have exactly the same feeling that you believe you are smart, but because of the disease, you always underperform, and "after years of performing under my abilities and expectations, I feel very discouraged. To the point where I'm considering changing careers." thanks patos90, this is exactly my feeling.

But my question for you is: to teach English outside of US, is it a really good job for you? since you said that you are " too intelligent to do anything menial", and teaching english is, to be frank, at least in my eyes, sth menial, for as long as you master the skills, you are just repeating your classes every day. Maybe I am still conquered by what dear Annie7 said "perfectionism" complexity that I still believe only a few types of careers can be labelled as successful or meaningful, like you are a great scientist, politician, lawyer, CEO, etc... I am asking this question, for I am also seriously thinking about changing my career, but I just could not come up with a satisfactory answer. Some jobs are easy, but I cannot accept them, esp after tons of years of quality education. Many are interesting, but as long as you want to excel in that field, your ambition means you ought to invest a lot of time in learning, socializing, leading a high-paced life, etc. which our illness prohibits.

Not sure if you have made any progress since your last update. I am still on my way to learn to accept the imperfect ego, to make compromise, living with other people's disappointment.

many thanks to annie7's suggestion on focusing on what we can do. and I am touched by your story that you had the issue in childhood but now is 63. although perhaps never reached your potential, but still believes you have had a meaningful life. For you let me realize one thing: I always believe that to reach one's full potential is one necessary condition of a meaningful life.
 

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Back to this forum after a long time. My sleep is bad and now I have dark circles and pits under my eyes. Now , I finally decided to try some doctor prescribed drugs. Hoping to discover one which will help me to sleep for 7-8 hours for the next 25 years, with little or minor side effects. Anyone used a sleep aid or anxiety medication for 10+ years with success ?
 

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Hi IRT--welcome back although sorry you have to come back of course.

i've had chronic insomnia most of my life. after trying and failing at everything else to help me sleep: i've been on 75 mg trazodone, taken every night, for at least 10 years--been so long i can't remember but it's been at least that long.

i was also on ambien a long time ago--10 mg, taken as needed --when the traz wasn't enough. when that finally quit on me i switched over to lunesta, 3 mg as needed. this was when lunesta first came out, which also was over 10 years ago.

i have had no adverse side effects from these meds. traz can give you dry mouth at first but it goes away. in the meantime, just drink plenty of water. and lunesta can give you a somewhat bad taste (bitter) in the mouth at first --it's only temporary and doesn't last. i don't get it any more. but believe me, lunesta is terrific. it really helps me sleep well and is more than worth the temporary bitter taste. i love it. traz, too.

we're all different in how we react to meds, but that was my experience. so grateful for these meds and how much they've helped me . they've given me my life back.

good luck with everything. hope you can find some relief. wishing you all the best. take care.
 

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Hi everyone,

Personally I've been suffering from IBD symptoms since I've been 21 and I'm 27 right now so it has been 6 years of struggling with the Illness.

I started suffer from the symptoms during the time ,I was in my second year of my bachelor degrees in Information Technology.

I still managed to finish my bachelor at the age of 24 I've been able to work one full years not without difficulties. However I did not under perform at my first job, I was doing a lot of sport going to work by bike, and going to the gym like 2 to 5 times a week depending of the mood.

But I was damned tired everyday and eventually after 1 year I quit. Because I felt like shit and the job was not pleasing me anyway. I was working with some Access DB and excel worksheet... Doing some Business Intelligence with crappy tool for a big name in the logistic.

Then I worked as a software engineer for a consultancy company, but It ended up after 6 month, It was a fixed contract and I didn't wanted to renew it even if I was performing good. I was completely burnt out after 6 month I couldn't manage my diet the work and the chronic fatigue. Plus the work was demanding for me.

Now I'm working again as software engineer in an other company but I can't keep up with the job... It's just too exhausting for me and I've been warned of that I'll be fired so now I'm in sick leave waiting for it to end..

It has been really a struggle to achieve what I've been able to achieve in such condition. Like you all I'm constantly tired and I feel like shit most of the time not in a good mood.

Yeah now I'm like thinking that I want to quit this Tech world as I think I'm not fit for it ... It doesn't make me happy and I have no personal life what so ever.

Most of the time during my free time I stay home and play video games online ... I know that doesn't help but that's just that I have developed social anxiety because of my illness, and I don't enjoy going outside not drinking alcohol, Soft or restaurant, because most of them makes me sick ...

When I go outside it is to do some sports activity usually I like to jogging and do some outside training in the park.

I don't have any confidence In myself to hook up with girls because of that despite the fact I'm not ugly, and I'm quite fit even with my disease that's just part of the sport routine I've done all my life and my genetics I think.

With all off that I'm living alone in a small studio in Brussels Belgium. So it's in Europe it's not as harsh as in the State with social security doctors and so on.

But Doctors doesn't seem to be as competent with this IBD things as in the States.

I have no family support what so ever as my father left my mother alone when I was born...

My mother as clinical depression and can't take care of herself since I was 16 so yeah it's quite messy.

And I think for sure that my disease is somehow related to my bad relationship with my mother as she is my only family with my Sister. And it goes wrong.

So I was always Anxious for my mother and it made me sick maybe...

There are a lot of food I can't eat without going to the toilette in the next hour like oily things and junks food ...

Other food I can't digest...

My condition is alternating between diarrhea and constipation. I suffer from Fever,bloating,night sweat lack of sleep, anxiety and other disease related to that condition.

Recently though during the time off I took during my last job and my current. I took the time to test some diet and try to improve my lifestyle to see what would improve my life.

I noticed that the vegan diet and juicing where really helping my symptoms.As well as eating fewer quantity.

I have always being thinking about suicide because my life was just too hard to live emotionally even before I had IBD.

But when I was in the deepest trouble with the illness and an added broken ankle because of a stupid soccer accident which required surgery ...

Before the surgery they gave me morphine or whatever then I had a trip and it was just like I was like dying.

Some weeks later that I went home and my sister told me you are letting yourself go because I lost like 22lbs in a week or so you'll die if you don't take care of yourself you just give up on life.

When she said that I was in my bed with a broken Ankel a metal plate screw PAIIIIIIIN and IBD.

Then she just told me you are like mom you just give up and you'll let me alone and she left my room crying.

You know what I felt like she was right, I was letting myself go...

My life was only suffering at this point and I just wanted all the struggle to stop.

But you know what I was still willing to live deep down I didn't want to die.

So even if I'm sick tired and in pain I still cherish this life even if feel miserable.

Because I haven't done Everything I could to improve my condition and my life.

So unless I made all the necessary changes In my life I couldn't just give up.

I'm thankful for everything that happened to me It teached me the hard way a lot of thing of life like compassion, humility, kindness.

It feels good to unleash it all.

Sorry for the messy writing style but I was just willing to share hope it makes sense :)

Much love to everybody.
 

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Hi Raphael,

I think you showed great strength and probably a lot stronger than you realise. You were far from letting yourself go..I see that you were driven to improve yourself. I know it's frustrating when you have an idea of what you want to achieve or what you think is acceptable and then your body lets you down. We all hit slumps..some go on a bit longer than others. Like all of us we're works in progress, that's what life is about. Cliché but true.

All the best to you!
 

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I know this thread has been dead for a bit but it really resonated with me and I am in the same boat as all of you. First of all, immense respect fr all of you for having the achievements that you do and holding up some of the jobs despite being in a tough spot! After studying and struggling at work for years, I have finally resignd and moving back home to see if I can heal.Just like you, I thought about teaching English in India, as that is where I am moving. But like someone said, it's so upsetting because you can't get yourself to accept that you're truly utilising your potential a hundred percent just by teaching kids. I am not sure if things will get back to a point where I would want to go back into Finance. The very thought of it makes my stomach hurt right now. But I have lots of chats with myself, thinking about the true meaning of life and what really matters in life and have contradictory feelings. Is it being seen as successful in society? To me, fulfilment is found in intellectually challenging work just like most of you and a part of me is not sure if doing a 'menial' job would satisfy me mentally. As a milennial, you are kind of a conditioned to think that you either work your butt off or you're not going to be ' successful'. I am so at a battle with myself but at this point it is physically impossible to be performing at my true capacity.Well, I will give myself time off and see what becomes of life. ... @patos, can you tell us if you ended up teaching?
 
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