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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
First I would like to congratulate Matt on his wedding! Good job! Ok, I myself, a 22/m from Wisconsin, just got engaged and the IBS-d is the only thing on my mind. I could not find the post about wedding suggestions so I beg that all of you lend a helping hand again. Another things is that my fiance does not know about my IBS because I am too embarassed to tell her. She knows that I am Lactose Int. but not the IBS. Should I tell her? I ususally am very good with her and if I do have an attack I blame it on dairy.PS. I just graduated college with a bachelor's in Business and I found some really nice ideas for home businesses on the BB. Thanks!
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
You really do need to tell her. You are planning on marrying her, and IBS is a part of your life. She will surely find out once you are married, anyway. My husband knew before we were married, and he is a HUGE comfort to me. Also, I didn't have any problems w/ IBS during my wedding or honeymoon.
Good luck. Oh, you might try taking Immodium on the big day so you won't have to worry about D.------------------ Mandy
 

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There is a thing on here called Molly's brochure that is amazing for helping tell friends and more about IBS. I told my boyfriend and I was really freaked about it; and he surprized me by doing extra research on it. He is TOTALLY supportive and always asking me stuff and offering suggestions on what he reads. We are both lactose intollerant so that also helps. Think of it this way; better to enter something like marriage with total honesty in everything, right? She already knows you are an amazing man that she loves, this won't change that. And it is always nice to have support from someone you can totally love.
(Congrats on the upcoming wedding!)
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Dear GraduateI know that you must be really excited about the forthcoming wedding but not telling your fiance will not make it easy for you to be perfectly honest. Molly's brochure is just terrific. Anyone that reads it and does not understand is not worth the time of day I would like to say. But many do not understand after reading it.
But most do.
It is such a great way to explain our disorder and I will again try to let my husband read it. You have nothing to lose and all to gain by letting her read it. If she does not understand, well that is that. But she will I know if she loves you as she must.I say this as again yesterday my husband got upset with me about being a picky eater. I know that he is under a lot of pressure as he had been sick, his memory is shot, and his Dad is just recovering from a stroke. We both have caregiver symptoms and it got the best of me last week but I am aok almost this week. It is not fun getting older so enjoy your youth.I did not know that I had IBS for years. I have had it for about 50 years!
And it just got worse and worse as stress got worse. When no stress, I am doing well in general. But many years ago, I knew something was wrong. Being a nurse, I finally determined this alone. No one really did it for me but for my husband reading an diagnostic test years ago and telling me I had spastic colon. The old term of IBS. I have many food allergies so I thought it was that along with my ulcer dz.I do not know how bad your IBS is, but it can get worse unless you control it. IT can be controlled too even through the wedding days. Many like me are doing that by the Ezekiel Bread, calcium and hypnotherapy tapes.Unfortunately, IBS is here to stay for some time until they find the magic solution so we must do all we can to have our life run right.If you are at ease with your fiancee, you should do well after you marry. But people do change, Sometimes we are just blinded by LOVE at first and later really discover something about that person that we marry that really annoys us. I did that with my husband. He is very intelligent so therefore is most critical and does not mean to be. There is his way to do things as that is the right way. I am letting this make me sick. Yes and I cannot shake it as much as I try.A house is never built right, a street paved or a speech given that meets with 100% of his approval. Now this is an extreme but I have a hard time dealing with it so win her confidence NOW. Before you marry.Get this over with NOW so you can have many wonderful years together. In fact, I am sure that she would appreciate you confiding in her now rather than later. I have never lied to my husband in the 38 yrs that we have been married. He is a retired physician and still has trouble understanding my IBS. Yes, Really. Ignorance is not always bliss as they say.I love my husband very much and vice versa, but his criticism of certain things is driving me up the wall. This is only getting worse so I have to try to avoid him most of the day. Now my life is a bit of a mess so do not go that route. Tell HER NOW!!!! You OWE this to both of you as unfortunately, IBS is a part of the marriage as is diabetes or another disorder or disease. Understanding is a must.If she loves you and she does, she will understand. Her 100% support is needed for you to be able to function well and stay well. The more friends you tell, show them Molly's letter, the better you will feel. Trust me on that. The problem I have is that my husband thinks that he is beyond learning from someone else. Therefore he never read the letter. I am going to try again this week and see what his response is.I wish you luck and a wonderful and long happy life of wedded bliss. But the percentage is not great in re to marriages lasting, so start out right by telling her and be in the winning lasting majority of successful marriages. Also let us know when you tell her what she says. It takes a special person to be married to someone with bad IBS like I have. He is special too, but gets tired of my finicky eating etc at times as he loves to eat out and he has short term memory loss and forgets that I cannot eat certain things.Good luck in all your endeavors and post again!
[This message has been edited by trishb (edited 11-13-2000).]
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
GraduateI forgot to congratulate you on the degree is business. My son has a BA in Psychology and is pursuing his MBA at the present.Home businesses are great if you can find the right one. Many have success and that takes the stress out of life sometimes. But if you can, get you Masters. It opens doors that will shut in your face other wise. My son knows several years later. It is worth the time if you can swing it.
 

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Congratulations on your engagement!I got married 2 1/2 months ago, and I was scared more than anything that my IBS would have a big hand in ruining my day, but the wedding day went smoothly and perfectly with no IBS problems. I did take a few precautions and started taking Lotronex a few days before. The day of the wedding, I took a couple of Immodium for assurance, and I was able to enjoy our day without worry or concern.As far as telling your fiancee, I'd say that you'll want to start out on a good foot with her and be honest. She's marrying the whole package (you) and not just parts of it. If that isn't something she feels she can deal with, then it's best to re-evaluate your relationship. If the tables were turned, would you appreciate it if she witheld a health problem she had from you? Best wishes on a happy engagement, and keep us posted.Ashley
 

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You've gotten some good advice here graduate, and I have to agree. You should definately tell her. My boyfriend has been totally supportive so if your lucky you might find a comfort in telling her that you never thought possible. Beside it's one less stress (keeping the secret) that you won't have to deal with anymore - and we all have enough stress to deal with without adding more to it.
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks again to all of you!I guess that what I am trying to do by not telling my fiance is a psychological attempt to deny me of my sickness. Most of the time, when I feel the early stages of an attack, I literally tell myself "Stop it!",I take very deep breaths and close my eyes. Probably about 90% of the time I can hold off on the bathroom. So, if I admit to her that I have IBS, it has a psy. effect that allows me to demonstrate my symtoms to her more frequently. This may be a stretch but we know this is a very psy. disease.Molly's notes were very nice. It almost brought a tear to my eye. I remember back in High School when I saw a Doctor who finally diagnosed my IBS and LI. He was like a savior in my life at the time. He told me about the urges to go when there is no bathroom. He called it the K-Mart syndrome although I told him it was more the, back seat of a car/ blockbuster video syndrome. I have not seen him since the diagnosis because I feel I need to get a grip on this myself.I tell you, I really think that IBS has messed with my life. The first 2 years of High School my GPA was about a 3.6 and my last two (when I got IBS) were like a 2.8. In college I barely beat that. Now, I have a BA in business but I do not have a job. I'm scared to get one. My parents know about my IBS, infact, my father is an MD (too bad its not pertaining to GI). They are impressed with my health now that I do not have school and job. I am gaining weight and have not had a cold or the flu in a long time. My attacks of IBS also have seriously decreased. What can I do with my life. I see a lot of posts here that talk about being medical transcriptionists but most of the people on this board have a history of work. I do not. Any suggestions to start out a career with IBS would also be greatly appreciated.Take care!
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I am also recently engaged (getting married in May) and I can't imagine how awful it would be if my fiance didn't know about my IBS. There have been so many times I didn't feel well and he was a great comfort to me. He now apparently can even detect "The Look" when things are bad and he has to find a bathroom for me.You know this is going to come out eventually, so you might as well get it off your chest now. I'm sure she will be very understanding...
 
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Graduate, another reason to let your fiance know about the IBS is the food you both have to eat at the wedding. Make sure there are foods that you can eat. I went to 2 weddings this past summer and one had roast pork and the other one had roast beef.I ate bread and applesauce at one wedding and bread and alittle pasta salad at the other. Every thing else I could not eat. Not many people who plan food for groups think about the people who cannot eat these foods. Tell her she will understand.
 
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