[jetbunny]

After spending months on this board to really get an understanding of what my IBS boyfriend experiences, I have been exposed to all sorts of options and medications I feel he should try. He is more or less unwilling to even discuss any of this, and although he's become much more open about how he feels about IBS as he's learned to trust me and my understanding, I still can't quite fgure out how to get him interested in Remeron or Caltrate or the bread or anything! I am a very direct and straitforward person and my method of confronting issues in a pragmatic and immediate manner just DOES NOT WORK with him. Can any of you give me any insight as to how to effectively convey what I learn from this board, or do you fell it is his decisions and ultimately none of my business?

 

[e-Fiona]

Would your BF have any interest in visiting this board himself or does he think we're nuts to be sitting here talking about poop? LOL!

It's a tough situation. You care about him and want to help him get better, but it's up to him to take the first step. What if you buy him some Caltrate or the bread? Or what if you just toast him a couple of slices of the bread and after he eats it tell him what it was?It's a toughie!He's lucky to have you though!!!

Fiona

 

[wanderingstar]

Well, ultimately it is his decision. Also, you cannot help a person unless they want to help themselves. After a while with IBS it's like you just don't want to try anything in case it makes your symptoms worse. You are evidently very caring and compassionate and I think it's wonderful that you've spent time figuring out how to help your boyfriend, it's truely brilliant.Maybe direct him to this board and let him just look around, but with a hint to to look at caltrate threads! Tell him that you want to help him, that he knows you're upfront and straight about things, and that you just think it may be worthwhile. Hey, I've got an idea. Buy you and him a bottle of caltrate plus. Make a deal with him that you will both take the caltrate together. With any luck, you'll end up constipated (sorry, you have to suffer a little bit here, don't worry it will go away as soon as you stop taking the caltrate) and can say to him 'it's making me, who has 'normal' bowel movements SOOO constipated, maybe it will help you, with loose BMs be more regular'. Would this work or is it just a crazy suggestion?

Don't give up on trying to help him. Let him find his own path, but knowing you are there for him if and when he needs to talk about it. Susan

 

[Delta]

Similar case:My grandmother was on heart pills and had to get additional potassium in her diet. I told her a dozen times to eat bananas, which are rich in potassium. She never listened to me. Then one day she saw a tv show that said bananas have potassium - after that she ate them everyday.

The moral of my story: sometimes you just have to let people figure it out on their own.

 

[shyra22f]

Hi Jetbunny, sorry I have no advice for you but I just wanted to let you know that I think it's fantastic that you're helping your boyfriend through this. It really helps to know when your significant other is truly concerned! My boyfriend just knows when I'm not feeling well and sometimes he'll ask just to make sure. It's the best feeling in the world! Good for you for taking the time to help him out and educating yourself on the matter. I hope everything works out and that he's willing to give some of your suggestions a try!

 

[Mannie]

Delta's comment was right on the money. I told my husband about Aricept for his mother's Alzheimer's for over two years and he ignored me. Then he read an article in the newspaper about Aricept and took his mom to the doctor and got it for her. So keep your eyes open for newspaper articles, TV shows, anything like that. My cousin's husband also has IBS and she went through the same thing. Sometimes the IBS left him in bed all weekend and she has to do all the housework, taking care of the kids, errands, etc., yet he wouldn't do anything to try and help his IBS. But eventually he got to the point where he finally gave up fried foods, cut back on the beer, and started some herbal treatments. I'm guessing maybe some IBSers go through some form of denial, or feeling sorry for themselves, or have the "if I ignore it it will go away" attitude. Maybe he needs more time. In the meantime, try suggesting dinners and snacks that both of you can eat together that are IBS friendly, like making sandwiches with the Ezekial bread and eating them together.

 

[jcaf]

Alot depends on his reasons for not trying your suggestions. I agree with eating the bread and Caltrate yourself (if its safe for you) but dont hype it too much. For myself, i dont like to talk to my girlfriend about it because i dont think she has enough knowledge and its too difficult to fight her preconceptions. Maybe if i saw evidence that she was very knowledgeable about IBS, then i would be willing to try some of her suggestions. There are a million people, web sites, herbs and suggestions and i am leary of everyone of them even if they are presented by people who i know care about me. I also dont respond to pressure"You should take this caltrate because it works for alot of people on the web"Is less likely to work than if i see you reading alot of information on Caltrate and taking calcium. Maybe the only way is to leave him alone in a room with the bottle of calcium!

 

[Guest]

It's a tough thing to talk about. I'm a guy with IBS and my ex was very understanding. She knew I had bad stomach problems athough I never could tell her exactly what it was. Bear in mind she was/is a GI nurse at a major US hospital. So it's not like she hasn't seen much worse. It was just kind of weird to actually describe my symptoms to her. Now that we're no longet together, I sometimes wonder if my lack of communication to her about my IBS also kept me from opening up to her about other issues. I don't know you, your BF, or what your realtionship is like... I know it's not right (not sure if that's the right choice of words) but guys DO have a hard time opening up. Talking about IBS is certainly no exception. Especially so b/c it's not an easy topic. Best to ya both.John

 

[jetbunny]

Fiona: Well, sitting around and talking with other people about poop beats sitting around and talking about poop to yourself!

Thanks for all your advice. I actually have amangered to get him to agree to try to the Ezekial bread and have bought him new acidoplilus and will deliver both products to him this evening. At this point will eat the bread with him and should probably be taking the probiotics as well for good health in general, so the idea to sortof "pitch in" was well-headed. Thanks so much.Now here's the tricky part. He has been feeling really good lately and a few setbacks that would have decimated him for weeks now only take a few days to fully recuperate, which is awesome. I still want him to look into Remeron, which seems to be a very effective drug for young men with IBS. He has a SERIOUS problem with taking any sort of psychotropic medication, and I agree that taking a prescription far outweighs eating a slice or two of bread.Again, should I push this, or should I back off as it is ultimately his decision?