I really am ready to just give up. I have nothing in my life besides this stupid problem. I hardly make enough money to pay my bills due to the fact that I spend 3-4 hours every single day trying to go and no matter what some days I don't. The days I don't go are the worst. I would rather go 12 times a day (like I do on my the days I go the most) then not go or go once. How do I handle going through like knowing it will never get better for me? (I have no insurance and no money to try anything to fix me)How can I ever be happy knowing my life will never amount to anything because I can't poop normal?Also how do I stop getting so angry when I know 90% of the population doesn't have to deal with this and they can have a life and be happy?It is just so unfair and I really don't know how to stop getting so upset over this.
I've tried different types of diets. It is just really hard for me to afford most foods since my job hardly pays me enough to cover my bills. I can't get a new job since I haven't been able to go to college due to my problem. Also most jobs won't understand if I have to leave to go home for a little bit due to stomach trouble.The only good thing about my job is if I have one of those stomach days where I have gone 15 times and I am still having to go more, I can show up late or call in without fear of being fired. There is no way I could do something like that at a different job.I also looked into disability but from what I read I would be making even less doing that then I am making now. I just can't do that since I have bills to pay.I try to stay away from laxatives since I don't won't to become addicted. Although when I really feel like I need to go I will use a fleet enima to help me feel better.I just don't know how to stop being so depressed. I have missed out on so much of my life because of this. I really just don't know if I can take this knowing I will never be able to do anything more with my life then try to poop. Sorry for whining so much, but I am just so jealous of people that don't have this problem and so depressed that my life is like this. I just wish I knew what I did to desreve this.
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