[Jackinzeb]

I know it's a long time coming. I've been married to my husband for twenty years. We have two wonderful children, 17 and 19 yrs. old. We lived together for a year before we got married. We decided early on that I would stay at home with the children. This was what I really wanted, my mother wasn't able to be with her children and growing up with that I wanted something different for my kids. We agreed that me being at home was more than equal pay for him being at work,and everything would be the same. The extra money would be split, 50/50. So we decided to have an allowance, same amount every two weeks. It worked fine and still does to a point. But I spend all my money on the house or the kids. He spends all his money on hunting, hunting and more hunting. And when he runs out of money he just puts it on credit cards. And it's not just hunting, it depends on the season he finds something new to go over board on. But not his family, I feel like I have to make up for his dis-interest. He doesn't know his own children. And of course I can't talk to him about this, he just gets mad. Very Mad!!This man I love and spent my life with, I can't believe I put up with him not spending time with his children, (not so much children anymore).I always try to find the good in him. But things always come back, like the time I had a miscarriage and he made me walk through the parking lot bleeding. When my mother was dying, he was so upset that I wanted to go back to her house he left me at the driveway and he wouldn't even come in. Enough said, I'm sad!!!!Jackie

 

[Jackinzeb]

Sorry I should have posted this on "The Meeting Place".

 

[tylersmommi]

Jackie....It sounds to me like your husband is a tad bit selfish....I really just wanted to say that I am sorry you had to go through those things with the miscarriage and your mother. I really hope things get better for you!!

 

[RitaLucy]

Oh Jackie {{{{HUGS}}}}! Yes I would say that your husband is a bit selfish also. Oh sometimes the more we let someone get away with something then they continue to do it -- sometimes it just becomes a way of life and not even thought about much.Your husband sounds much like my Dad and the way he treated my mom. Of course it wasn't hunting but many other things but she did work and had to work to make up for his mismanagement and frivalous spending of money. I never could understand how she could be so happy go lucky all the time. Especially as a teenager I would encourage to leave him! "Just leave him -- I would say". I used to imagine her doing that so we could get our own place and live happier. Well that never came about and it drove me nuts that he was like that to her and also with us. Everything appeared to be a bother when it came to us kids and an interruption of what he would rather be doing. He hated to drive or pick up freinds and take his kids places. I just learned not to ask him for anything or to expect much. I always felt as I got older that he was the one who really missed out on soo sooo much!Sad what selfish people do to their lives...

 

[Jackinzeb]

RitaLucy, You're right he is the one missing out on so much, just like your dad. That's the saddest part of all he doesn't even know what he is missing. My children, Tonya and Jeremy, are the greatest. I'm so proud of them, they are truly the joy of my life. And as teenagers I'm getting to know them in a different way. We have so much fun together, joking and cutting up, as my husband looks at us like we are talking in code. I want him to be a part of this, but he can't stop thinking about his next whatever. It would make me so happy if he just spend time with Tonya and Jeremy. Tonya stated to me several times, Dad doesn't even know who I am. She said, I think he'll be a better grandfather than a father, when men aren't very good fathers they try to make it up as grandfathers. That hurts, I want her to feel so loved by her father. What can you do to change it? Jackie

 

[kamie]

Well Jackie, this IS the irritable bowel section and your personal situation sound like grounds for one whopper of an irritable bowel to me.So maybe you posted in exactly the right place.Hugs.I know it's rough.Ritalucy is right. It is sad what selfish people do to their lives.So being, you need to focus on the good that is functional and allow the dysfunctional to move to the side and not consume so much of the real goodness you have with your children and other family memebers.Try not to focus on changing your husband.People often only really change when they are good and ready.Instead, focus on what is good and joyful and loving.Build a good and close relationship with your children and other family members. Build a feeling of safety and warmth with those who are responsive to the effort.Many times creating love and positive vibrations can over ride the hurt and negativity of another person who probably has a lot of anger in their heart.Take care.Hugs and hope,kamie