I have a question. My sisters two of them, and y brother in law, and me and myhusband went on a trip to Hawaii and we were there for two weeks. I took imodiu before we left and did fine o the plane. when we got to Lona,did fine. then we flew to Kiaui That island is damp, and I got so sick for four days, vomiting and diaharea. I took five immodium every morning and still had the diaharea, and vomiting was unreal. then we flew back to Honolulu and the iland was better. when we went to fly home, I bought a sandwich and ate it in the airport,a nd then bought a banana and ate one half of it. and decided to give the rest to my husband. My sister was rude and said what she had to tell me I would dnot like and probaby woul be mad at her until we arrived home she told me I was not eating right, and she thought that was part of my problem. I told her she did not undertand my disease IBS and it is not in my head. I told hr I was ot mad, but she did not understand. there were remarks all the time we were there, like Dee is feeling better as she ate some food. I was so frustrated, and shut my mouth but boy, Iam hurt. what do you say when people tell you that, and why do people not undersand? I wanted so much to ay i wish they had what was wrongithme,and then maybe they would understand. I would never wish this on anyone, but I am so hurt,and wold like toknow what the rest of you say.I did not create this problem, and problem willnever travel with my sister and brother in law again becuase ot it. I had a great vacation but it s not fun going away being sick. thanks ahad of time for your input.Hugs, eeDee
Why can't people understand
1 - 20 of 34 Posts
[She knows about my IBS, but I think she does not believe me, and she has never had to walk in my shoes with IBS. I did not slow themdown with the vacation. I chose not to go along one day to the beach when they were gone for two hours. Another time, my husband ad i had booked a four hour tour. I had already paid for it, but when I took the six hour tour I was so sick, thinking I would vomit or pass out any moment so chose to stay at thehotel. So did not slow the down, and I certainly did not spoil her vacatio. she did what she wanted.jI guess people who have IBs and go through what we go thrugh know how it is, and we have compassion and sypathy.I know five imoidu a day was way too much, but what was I to do? It was horrible. Believe me, it wasthanks so much for your reply.DeeDee
DeeDee have you seen this brochure? It is written by an IBS sufferer expressly for the friends & loved ones of other sufferers.Just click here to read it:http://www.ibsgroup.org/brochures/Aboutibs.pdfMaybe print a few off for your family & friends??All the best
Joined
·
982 Posts
DeeDee,First, let me start by saying I understand where you're coming from - I have both IBD and IBS, so I know I'm not making this up. But still, my one sister says I am just to get attention, my other sister says she doesn't care, my brother is quiet about it and just goes along. I've had friends tell me I'm anorexic via an intervention, I've had complete strangers at a gathering tell me what I should eat, and on and on and on. What it comes down to is this. . . They and what they think about you doesn't matter. We think it matters. We think if we can get them to understand and accept it will be good and helpful to us. It won't. Whether other people "Get" what you have or are going through won't make a hill of beans difference in your illness. The only one who has to believe and understand what you have, how it affects you, and what you're going through is you. There are many people out there who do "get" what I'm going through and how I cope with it - let it be said, however, that those people generally aren't my family (my Mom and my Dad get it and that's only because my Dad has IBD and my Mom has IBS) but otherwise the only ones who get it and accept me for who and how I am are friends. Real, true friends. It's illnesses like this that help you weed out who your true friends are. The rest of them, do things with them if you like, but have absolutely no expectation that they will understand you or agree with you. It's a great lesson and education in simply not caring what other people believe or think about you. Easy? No. Useful? Immensely. Start practicing today. Best,Elizabeth
Elizabeth Thanks so much. Your reply warmed my heart. You are so right in everythng you said. they neer will get it unless they have it,and yes, tht is right, it doesn't matter I know what I go thrugh, what I dealwith, what I can or cannot eat. And I will go from here. thanks from the bottom of my heart.blessings to you,Dee
Joined
·
34,955 Posts
One other thing when dealing with those that "don't get it" and things like you can't see anything you did that would spoil her vacation, etc.Some people just aren't happy when things go well. You may think that if I didn't have IBS, or if they'd just understand what I go through they would stop, but some people don't stop. Almost like they need something to complain about. Even if everything is perfect, they will find something that "ruined it" for them.I don't know if she is that way, but if you notice that no one ever really makes her happy, then it isn't something you are doing that is making her complain. She just needs to complain and if that is the situation you might be able to not take it personally and not worry so much about trying to figure out how to be what she wants. Getting stressed out for any reason only makes the IBS worse, so if you can find a way to cope with the negativity from others better you at least will enjoy things like vacations more and may find that the lowered stress helps the IBS bother you less.
Joined
·
10 Posts
Personally, this has always been one of the hardest parts of dealing with IBS for me. My therapist gave me a quick response to use if I ever found myself in a similar situation to yours: WHY would I want to be sick like this?! WHY would ANYONE want to be sick like this?!Even if they still don't get it or even if you just ask that question to yourself, I find it very helpful. No sane person would choose to suffer from IBS. I hope you're feeling better and receiving support from more sympathetic people. You deserve it.
thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciat it so much.and thaks for letting me know what the therapist said. It is so true. who woud want to be thissick? I would never wish this o my worse enemy. It is not a lifetreatening disease but it sure in the heck is no fun I canno understand why we can not find a cure for it, when they fid cures forother thig. It frustraes me so muchI know people think thisis in our heads. I only wish it were.I am dig okay, I guess. I have my husband andmy daughter in law and daughter and son who undersand and that helps. but it is tough for me for those people who ask questions. when they perfetly know I cannot eat those foods. When we were at the airport coming hme, my brother in law asked us if we wanted a beakfast sandwich he had found at pizza hut. It hasd bacon, chesse, and al the nine yards. of course everyone else wanted one I cannot have those foods. He asked me if I wanted a pretzela nd I said no I want a bagal and he said a petzel and bagal are abut the sae they are both crunchy and I said no I want a bagal, and there was none so I did not eat. that is no fun watching everyone else eat. but it is better than getting sick if you know what I meanthanks so much for replying I couldgo on and on, but don't want to bend your ear too uchhang in there everyone. we are all in the same boat. It helps to have support herehugs, DeeDee
Joined
·
391 Posts
What get me sometimes is that they think they know the answer to our problems. "Oh you should just ignore it!" was a howler from a "friend", another was, "of course, it's all in your mind". Best of all, "Why don't you have an alcoholic drink, that'll settle your stomach!".Now, I lie. When I go out for a meal and they are tucking in to similar foods to that you described Dee Dee, I just say, "I only want a cup of tea, thanks, I'm not a bit hungry", and they say "Oh, you eat like a bird" and usually just leave it at that.Just don't expect anyone to understand, and you won't be disappointed.All the best
Joined
·
253 Posts
My personal favorite from friends and family is: "Well, if you would just stop taking and trying so many medicines, you would NOT have diarrhea - ever think of that?" I have a real hard time not kicking them and usually this comment causes me to NEVER want to see that person again let alone try to have a meal with them. IBS is so severe at times that the Board of GI doctors wrote an extensive white paper asking that it be included in U.S. policy as a disability. Frankly, if I know the person who makes the comment has high blood pressure or cholesterol, I have often said, "Why don't YOU just stop taking your blood pressure meds and checking it. I'm sure IT will just go away too!" LOL
Joined
·
2 Posts
Joined
·
2 Posts
I know what you mean...I have had IBS for almost 20 years...the last nine months now it has been the worst it has ever been in my life. I keep Immodium on hand all the time....I never know when it is going to flare up. So, I totally understand what you are saying and going through...there are times that I don't go and do things for fear that it will flare up...I don't like having to do it...but I don't want to ruin things for everyone else. Someone does care.
You people are so ind and sosupportive. thanks fromthebottom of my heart. I am sothankful I have a pace t gowhereI can vent my feeligs,andyu all do undersand.Yes, ther eare time s when I feel I just cannot do tings,and so I do not,andI feel I am at the age and can dothat if Iwish,and if people get upset so be itIt frustrates me my own family do not understand. I just donot get it, but I guess you all do,and allthis does is gie me broader sholders.thanks fromthe bottom of my heart. I truly mean that.I amthankful for yu allhugs, DeeDee
Joined
·
391 Posts
Nice one Hester, I'm going to use that!
Joined
·
4,570 Posts
Hi Deedee - You are not alone - I too had people say to me that I had IBS on purpose, etc. In addition to the brochure, there will be available soon a free CD called the IBS Companion that explains the IBS condition to others, and it mentions being as loving and supportive as you can to the sufferer - let me know if you are interested.Take a peek at my journey too - you are not alone and there is hope! My gastro told me that Imodium is pretty safe even if you take the max dosage. You can also try peptobismal tablets - as those you can take a lot more per day.I have had IBS since 1983, and sometimes it was 4 hours a day in the bathroom for a few days every week - pretty severe. I was virtually housebound - I think it's great you went on your vacation - not letting IBS stop you is really a good attitude to have - IBS really stopped me from doing a lot in my life...Also - I have to say I love your signature - your faith is an inspiration to me... Take care and (((HUGS))) to you - there is hope - take a peek at my links below.
![]()
I read the brochure that was provided in Post #4 above. It is a wonderful resource. How great it would be to print this, tell my oldest daughter (whose home I am in 3/4 times a week) of my IBS and ask her to read it. The problem is that she will not read it, her reaction to me simply telling her I have IBS would be the usual, "Mother, that is more information than I want to know."So, I will continue to keep my suffering to myself, as I have for decades (I am 61 and just last week received a dx.)
1 - 20 of 34 Posts
Join the discussion
