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sorry that you have so much anxiety over this and sorry you're not sleeping. insomnia really makes things worse. i know--i have it. i take prescription sleeping pills.

so sorry you're having thoughts of suicide. i wish there was someone you could talk to about this. you're right-- suicide is never the answer . and it is devestating to those who know you and care for you.

i really hope the surgeon decides to help you.
 
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Discussion Starter · #84 ·
I am just caught in a rock and in a hard place. I have no control of whjats going on. and my doctors and playing the "lets toss you to other doctors game" so I feel alone. my family doesnt get whats going on. they fight with me over it.
 

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hopefully the rochester c/r guy will help you.

that's especially hard when your family is not understanding and is unsupportive. hopefully your counselor can help you cope with this.
 

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From.my buff doc
If this is how you feel. You will have to find another surgeon to perform the procedure. I do not perform surgical procedures where the risks outweigh the benefits. As I said before, I do not perform colostomies or ileostomies for functional bowel disorders. These are treated by nonoperative approaches

Sent: 8/16/2018 12:49 PM EDT
Subject: RE:healing fissure

I know all the risks I've talked to my wife about them I know I could die, have erectyle dysfunction everything under the son. Basically I'm stuck In The house all day pooping. I can't go-to work like this. My fissure isn't healing because of all the diahrea. This is bad enough that I'm going to consoling. But by all means don't write off giving me a colostomy or illlostmy. I would rather die on a table than dealing with the nightmare Im living
 

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Discussion Starter · #96 ·
my full symptoms

I can only get the urge from diarrhea by taking 2 scopes of miralax and 2 to 3 laxatives. (the number of laxatives is slowly going up, idk if they will lose their effectiveness or not).

end up in bathroom any where from 6 to 10 times a day (will try to skip a few days so that I dont have to be in the bathroom, but it makes it worse trying to clear myself out the next day)

I can not get the urge from any other souce of stool.
Plop (im sorry i dont know what the name of it bristol 6 on the scale) the only way I know that I have it is if I pass gas and it soils my pants I then go sit on the tolit and have to strain it out, (which isnt helping the fissure at all). ive let it sit in me for a few hours seeing it would give me a signal and nothing happened.

enemas are not working, unless I sit with them in me for over in hour and makes all my stool liquid.

I can do digital removal because the fissure, so if I do get backed up I dont know what do to.

I've tried digital stimulation to move my bowels and it does not work.

I've tried suppository and they also do not work (tried 3 of them at once)

I've tried scheduled times to just sit on the to lit and nothing happens without a urge (I did this hoping it was just a mental thing)

I did high fiber lots of greens and fruits but that didn't give me a urge still had to make it diarrhea (lost over 70 pounds).

I tried a bag enema (the big ones). again all that comes out is just water unless I leave it in me for a long period over time (over and hour).

I am eating way less so that I dont has as much diarrhea, because its causing the fissure to reopen and spasm. probably under 1000 calories a day now.

this all started with in the last 2 years.
Prior to all of this I was doing the valsalva maneuver to get stool out and I would get hard stool out even without a urge. I would always get trapped gas so I would sit on the tol lit and get something out to relieve the gas pain. but clearly that was the dumbest thing I could have done since that started the fissure.

I was constipated for many years in my 20s so I dont know if this played a part in whats going on with me. but back then I had the urge. I would assume if I stopped taking all these laxatives I would constipated.
 
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