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sorry that you have so much anxiety over this and sorry you're not sleeping. insomnia really makes things worse. i know--i have it. i take prescription sleeping pills.

so sorry you're having thoughts of suicide. i wish there was someone you could talk to about this. you're right-- suicide is never the answer . and it is devestating to those who know you and care for you.

i really hope the surgeon decides to help you.
 
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Discussion starter · #84 ·
I am just caught in a rock and in a hard place. I have no control of whjats going on. and my doctors and playing the "lets toss you to other doctors game" so I feel alone. my family doesnt get whats going on. they fight with me over it.
 
hopefully the rochester c/r guy will help you.

that's especially hard when your family is not understanding and is unsupportive. hopefully your counselor can help you cope with this.
 
From.my buff doc
If this is how you feel. You will have to find another surgeon to perform the procedure. I do not perform surgical procedures where the risks outweigh the benefits. As I said before, I do not perform colostomies or ileostomies for functional bowel disorders. These are treated by nonoperative approaches

Sent: 8/16/2018 12:49 PM EDT
Subject: RE:healing fissure

I know all the risks I've talked to my wife about them I know I could die, have erectyle dysfunction everything under the son. Basically I'm stuck In The house all day pooping. I can't go-to work like this. My fissure isn't healing because of all the diahrea. This is bad enough that I'm going to consoling. But by all means don't write off giving me a colostomy or illlostmy. I would rather die on a table than dealing with the nightmare Im living
 
Discussion starter · #96 ·
my full symptoms

I can only get the urge from diarrhea by taking 2 scopes of miralax and 2 to 3 laxatives. (the number of laxatives is slowly going up, idk if they will lose their effectiveness or not).

end up in bathroom any where from 6 to 10 times a day (will try to skip a few days so that I dont have to be in the bathroom, but it makes it worse trying to clear myself out the next day)

I can not get the urge from any other souce of stool.
Plop (im sorry i dont know what the name of it bristol 6 on the scale) the only way I know that I have it is if I pass gas and it soils my pants I then go sit on the tolit and have to strain it out, (which isnt helping the fissure at all). ive let it sit in me for a few hours seeing it would give me a signal and nothing happened.

enemas are not working, unless I sit with them in me for over in hour and makes all my stool liquid.

I can do digital removal because the fissure, so if I do get backed up I dont know what do to.

I've tried digital stimulation to move my bowels and it does not work.

I've tried suppository and they also do not work (tried 3 of them at once)

I've tried scheduled times to just sit on the to lit and nothing happens without a urge (I did this hoping it was just a mental thing)

I did high fiber lots of greens and fruits but that didn't give me a urge still had to make it diarrhea (lost over 70 pounds).

I tried a bag enema (the big ones). again all that comes out is just water unless I leave it in me for a long period over time (over and hour).

I am eating way less so that I dont has as much diarrhea, because its causing the fissure to reopen and spasm. probably under 1000 calories a day now.

this all started with in the last 2 years.
Prior to all of this I was doing the valsalva maneuver to get stool out and I would get hard stool out even without a urge. I would always get trapped gas so I would sit on the tol lit and get something out to relieve the gas pain. but clearly that was the dumbest thing I could have done since that started the fissure.

I was constipated for many years in my 20s so I dont know if this played a part in whats going on with me. but back then I had the urge. I would assume if I stopped taking all these laxatives I would constipated.
 
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